Page 56 of Drunk on You (Hope Town 4)

Now I'm stuck in a tailspin, unable to control fuck all, and I can't get a grip long enough to take the steps I need to get it all back. One thing's for sure ... I will. All I've thought about for two days--aside from making sure Lacey was taken care of once and for all--was how I would prove to Nikki that she's wrong and I do trust her.

"Fuck," I hiss, punching my wheel when traffic goes from thick to standstill.

When she walked out of the office the other night, Nate was in my face. He must have known something was going on, even if he hadn't been there to witness it, because she couldn't have been halfway down the stairs before he stormed into my office and I had his right hook slamming against my face. All he said was, "I warned you," and then he was gone just as fast as he came. It was as if someone had turned on a switch when his fist connected with my eye--I was rushing through the club, holding up the pants I had hastily shoved on when I rushed to her side just minutes before while I sprinted as fast as I could to catch her before she left.

A lot of good that did me.

Then I had to deal with the Lacey mess, and even though I wish she hadn't shown up, at least I was able to get an order of protection and she wouldn't be back without getting arrested. She might try again, but since her daddy is trying to run for senate, I doubt she'll risk it for fear that he'll finally get sick of her bullshit and cut her off. All that was left with Lacey, as far as I was concerned, was getting Nikki to file for her own restraining order.

I look down at my phone, checking the time on my Waze app and again feel nothing but frantic need to start plowing through traffic.

One more hour.

One more hour and I'll be facing the biggest fight of my life.

One hour until I give her the only thing I know will prove to her that I do trust her. That I trust her with more than what she could ever think to want or need.

Her badly pronounced French words from the other night come back, a ghost of a whisper through my mind. Oh, Nicole Clark, I'll have all of you again. There's no other life I can face living if it's not with her in it.

One hour turned into two and my confidence turned into nerves.

I wasn't nervous about what I needed to do--no, I was nervous that she would have used these past two days to realize I wasn't worth the fight. I knew deep down that couldn't be true, but it doesn't take away from the very real fear I have over making myself vulnerable for the first time since I learned how to prevent it.

I park next to her old Toyota and kill the engine, staring at the rustic log cabin that we had spent a whole week searching for on various vacation rental sites. She had known instantly that this was the perfect one for us to get away to, and she wasn't wrong. There wasn't another house around us. The long and winding road that took me up here had been all ours. The closest grocery store was ten miles back, and aside from the five other places scattered over the mountain, we were alone. Of course, that had been something we made sure of in order to have nothing but privacy to enjoy each other wherever and however we wanted--now it would ensure we had a whole different kind of privacy.

The door opens and Nikki steps on to the porch. She leans against the doorjamb and watches me as I climb out of the car, shutting the door and walking toward her. She looks beautiful even though it's clear that she's tired. Her long hair is pulled up on top of her head in a messy ball--one of those bun things girls spend a shit ton of time making sure it looks perfect. Her face is free of makeup, making her look young and innocent with her dusting of freckles across the bridge of her nose. However, it's the redness around her eyes that makes me pause halfway up the steps.

"I figured you would be here tomorrow. I should have known you'd figure it out sooner than that."

"I would have been here yesterday if I could have been."

She nods, a sad one that looks like it takes all her strength.

"Come on," she says softly, turning and walking into the cabin. Her bare feet silent against the hardwoods.

I follow without argument, taking her lead. When she stops in the living room, I wait, not speaking. She points at the couch and drops down in a chair near it, but far enough that she's out of my reach. Again, I don't speak and let her call the shots.

"I don't imagine you would have come all this way without knowing how you wanted this conversation to go, Shane, so go ahead and say it."

I lean forward in my seat

, rubbing my hands against my jeans and bracing my elbows on them before looking up and holding her gaze.

"I fucked up, mon coeur. I fucked it all up, and you did the right thing by leaving." Clearly, that wasn't what she expected as shock reigns over her features. "There aren't any words to express how sorry I am that I hurt you, Nikki. Not a fucking one that will be strong enough to even begin to try to fix it. I'll live with that, and hopefully, you'll give me a chance to prove that I'll do everything in my power to ensure I never hurt you again."

"Shane," she whispers, a tear falling free of her eye and trailing down her cheek.

I stop her, continuing with the words I've gone over and over on my way to her. "You were right. I used all the shit from my past to excuse the fact that I wasn't willing to trust you--even though I knew deep down that I could. Fuck, cherie, I know it's the weakest excuse in the world, but I couldn't see past the only thing I had ever known and because of that, I hurt you. I trust you, wholly and without doubt, and I just didn't and couldn't see it until it was too late."

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