Page 53 of Kayden: The Past
Fuck. I was a sucker for tears. “Yes, you can come for a weekend if you want.”
“The house has been so empty without you. I’m lost without you.”
“We’re not getting back together, Lisa, but you can come spend some time with me.” I couldn’t commit to her. I couldn’t give my heart to her. It was already a raw and open wound.
“I just need to sleep in your arms. Maybe someday we can be a couple again.”
“I don’t think so, Lisa. We’re like oil and water. We just don’t mix well together. I don’t know if I can ever trust you again. What’s to stop you from doing it again?”
“Let’s handle it one trip at a time. I’ll let you know when I book a ticket. Thank you, Kayden.”
I must clearly be a fucking moron. “We’ll talk then.” I wasn’t going to give her free rein to reenter my life and rub salt in the wound. I should’ve told her no, to go fuck herself, but we had history, and I didn’t want to cut the last string of possibility without knowing it was totally over between us. Her kindness on the phone made it impossible for me to say no. She did have a loving side; although I hadn’t seen it for ages. The holidays were coming up. I’d use that as an excuse for my total lack of judgment.
Carrie was my easy lay, the one who came without complications, expectations, and rules. My life was easy, but I felt it was about to get a bit rocky. I didn’t tell Carrie since we weren’t an item. I didn’t ask her if I was the only one in her life, and she never asked me. Lisa wouldn’t be in my life. I needed the closure, and maybe we’d put the hurt and anger behind us with this trip. I could get on with my life and move forward, free of the anger.
