Page 35 of Kayden: The Past
“Where have you been? I’ve been calling you for days, and Danielle hasn’t been picking up her phone. I’ve been worried to death, Kayden.”
“She left me, Mom.”
“What?”
“I fucked up. I came home a couple of days ago to a letter that said she left.”
“You’re too good for that girl, anyway, babe. Come home.”
Home was no longer Ohio. My mom and Joe had moved to Florida to live the dream of every retiree. They wanted sunshine and beaches to fill their days instead of shoveling snow and freezing for six months out of the year.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do, Mom.” Tears filled my eyes. How could my world collapse in such a short time? I’d swear I had a black fucking cloud that followed me around and fucked with my life. “I’m a little old to live with you, and maybe Danielle will come back.”
“You’ve always got a place here. It’s warm all year, and winter’s coming. The door is always open.”
“Thanks, Mom. I need to figure this out for myself, but I’ll get back to you.”
“Where have you been the past couple of days?”
“I forgot to pay a ticket and had to spend three days in jail.” I cringed, holding the phone away from my ear.
“What? Kayden, I thought I taught you better than that. How could you be so damn forgetful?”
“It happened when I first moved here. I fucked up. I know, Mom.”
“Well, I won’t harp on you. It seems like you have enough shit on your plate right now. Just think about it, a fresh start. Love you, baby.”
“Love you, too, Mom. I’ll call soon.”
St. Louis was supposed to be a fresh start, but it ended up being the finish line.
I called Don and quit. I couldn’t go back to work. I needed to get the fuck away from this apartment and anything that reminded me of us. I spent the rest of the day packing up my shit and loaded it into my truck. I needed to find Danielle. I needed her to tell me face-to-face that we were over—fuck the letter bullshit. I wanted to remind her of what she threw away. Me.
I left early in the morning after sleeping one last time in our bed. I slept with my head on her pillow, smelling the perfumed shampoo she used. The more miles that passed, the more pissed off I became. When she came to St. Louis, had she already found the other man in her life? She was sneaky and never let on. I didn’t know we had a problem until I was arrested, and she left me in court. I never would’ve imagined that I was disposable.
I pulled into her mother’s around four in the afternoon. Danielle’s car was the only one in the driveway. I parked down the street and casually walked up and knocked on the door.
“One second.” Her voice was muffled by the door.
The door opened, and her smile slowly faded to a look of shock. “Kayden, what are you doing here?”
“You think you just leave me a letter, and I’d let us die that easy? I’d just accept it and walk away?”
“No, but I hoped you would. I don’t know why you’re here. I’m not changing my mind.”
“Can’t we at least talk about this? Don’t I get a say in any of this?”
“No, there’s nothing to talk about. I want out.”
“You don’t love me anymore?”
“I don’t know if I ever loved you, Kayden.” My heart shattered into a million little pieces with those words.
“Why did you marry me, then?”
“I don’t know. I guess I thought it was the right thing to do with a baby on the way. I lusted after you.”
“You lusted after me?” I tried to keep my voice down, not wanting to draw the attention of the people in their front yards weeding their gardens.
