Page 3 of Kayden: The Past
The house was dark when I walked inside, and my parents were in their bedroom watching Johnny Carson and waiting to see if I made it home by midnight. I knocked on their door. “I’m home. ‘Night.”
“’Night, Kayden,” my mom said. She didn’t have to tell me, but I knew she was thankful I wasn’t late. She didn’t want to hear my dad’s shit about my behavior lately. Crawling into bed, I grabbed my Walkman off the nightstand and pressed the play button. I lay in the darkness listening to“Livin’ on a Prayer” by Bon Joviand thought about Mindy’s tits glistening through her wet T-shirt.
High school helped developmy love of women and alcohol. I wrestled and made the varsity team my sophomore year. I worked out like a man driven with a purpose—I wanted to be the leanest and most muscular guy on the mat. Being a member of the team made girls notice me more than they had previously. The singlet and the little tight uniform I wore helped show off my manhood. I was a beast on the mat. My opponents knew I would take them down, but that never stopped them from trying. No one was faster or stronger in my weight class. I was the champ.
Sophomore and junior year, I found myself in trouble with the law more than once. We did dumb-ass things that we thought were funny and harmless, but my parents didn’t see it that way. My first run-in with the law came at the hands of my friends. A dare was something I could never ignore—no stupid teenage boy ever backs down no matter how stupid or risky.
We were walking back from a party across town when Freddie turned around and said, “I dare one of you to walk your drunken ass into the police station and ask them a random question.”
The alcohol in my body must have altered my thinking because I took that challenge and didn’t think twice. “I’ll fucking do it,” I said as everyone came to a complete stop.
“You’re fucking crazy,” Tiny said. “You’re gonna get arrested.”
“I’m too smart to get caught. I’ll take the dare. You guys are pussies.”
I walked toward the police station door on wobbly legs and tried to figure out what I’d ask. My palms grew sweatier with every step. I squinted when the light streaming through the door shone on my face. I grabbed the handle, took a deep breath, and pulled it open with authority.
A man sat behind the front desk and looked up when he heard the door close behind me. “Can I help you, son?” He eyed me suspiciously. The town was so small and devoid of action that running a stop sign was a major offense and gossip-worthy.
I leaned on the desk, steadying myself, “What time is curfew?” I’d like to think that I was wittier than that or had some great line, but I drew a blank and concentrated more on not puking than the actual words falling from my lips.
“Have you been drinking?” he asked.
“No, sir. I just want-t-ted -to make sure I’m not out past curfew,” I said and belched.Fuck, what an idiot.
“It’s already past curfew, and you’ve obviously been drinking. I can smell the beer on your breath.” He stood up and walked around the desk to stand right in front of me. I didn’t make a move to leave, just stood there like my feet were superglued to the floor. “You’re not going anywhere, son. Come with me, and we’ll decide what to do with you.”
“Do with me?” I asked.
“Yes, I’ll let my superior decide if we’re going to arrest you or just call your parents to pick you up.” Neither option was good. I was going to be in deep shit no matter the decision.
I followed him into an office and sat there. I knew the guys had split by now, knowing nothing good came out of their little dare. My stupid ass always needed to be the one with the biggest balls. I sat there for what felt like eternity before the door to the office swung open, and my dad stood in the doorway, looking like he had murder on his mind.
“Let’s go, Kayden.”
“Is that all you’re going to say?” I asked.
“I have no words right now. Get your ass up.”
I stood up, and my stomach felt like someone was doing cartwheels inside. I always hated when my dad was pissed off, especially when he had no words to express his feelings. I followed him to the car with my eyes staring at the ground. I climbed into my dad’s orange Chevy Vega and closed the door softly. I wanted to disappear. I stared out the window as he pulled out of the parking lot.
I closed my eyes, the motion of the car causing my eyes to hurt and my stomach to gurgle. A sharp pain woke me from my slumber as my face hit the car window. My dad had slammed his fist into my face. coldcocked me while I wasn’t looking. “You’re a stupid fucker, Kayden.” His fist hit me again. “What the fuck were you thinking?”
The pain drew me out of the alcohol haze, and I could feel my blood almost begin to boil. “Don’t you dare fucking hit me, again,” I said.
“What are you going to do about it?” His fist started to move in my direction, and I moved, avoiding another blow.
“I don’t know if you noticed, Dad…but I’m bigger than you now. Don’t push me,” I said, staring him in the eyes.
“Are you threatening me?”
“No. I’m just telling you I won’t take your shit anymore. I’m not that scared little kid who will hide under the covers. If you want to hit me, at least do it like a man. Don’t hit me when I’m not looking.”
“I brought you into this world, and I’ll take you out,” he said with a look of such hatred, unlike anything I had ever seen before.
“I’ll go out bringing you down with me, remember that.” The car stopped, and I climbed out, preferring walking home to being in the car with that bastard any longer. I was so angry with him, and it took everything I had not to physically fight back in that moment. I knew I had to get away from him and give us both time to cool off. I walked to Scott’s house and found refuge on his floor for the evening. Tomorrow, I’d face the music, and I prayed that neither one of us would speak of that moment again.
I studiedhard and wanted to give myself every opportunity for a college scholarship, but my senior year, everything started to fall apart. In October, my parents sat me down and told me the worst news a kid could ever hear. They were getting divorced. Everything disintegrated quickly after that “talk.”
