Page 80 of Toy for the Teachers (Forbidden Fantasies)

MILLIE

It turned out that Warren had more good ideas than he knew. After our dinner all together, we all realized the benefit of getting to know each other as a group. It helped the three men build comfort and trust, and so Caleb and Warren’s standing dinner date grew to include the four of us.

Some evenings, we went out to dinner. Others, we stayed in, and tonight was one of those cozier nights. Snow was fluttering down over Chicago as I helped Vlad fix dinner for us all. We spent all evening rolling out fresh pasta using the machine Warren had gifted me for Christmas. I had been covered in flour by the end of it, but it was fun and far better than the cheap dried pasta I usually bought myself.

The new year had finally arrived with new hope, promise and possibility. Even my new job was looking rosy and bright. The people were friendly, and the distance between me and my three boyfriends meant the time we shared become more intentional and meaningful. Our dinners together proved that even in the bustle of everyday life, we could still make time for each other.

“How was your first week?” Caleb asked me over dinner.

At Vlad’s round dinner table, we split a bottle of red paired with our platter of pappardelle Bolognese and salad. Vlad topped off my glass as I answered.

“Good, definitely busy,” I chimed between bites of pasta. “I feel like I’m still trying to figure the office politics and the patterns of the day, but it feels right being there. I’m already getting assigned some new literary biographies.”

Warren’s ears perked up across the table. “About whom?”

“J.R.R. Tolkien,” I answered. “Have you heard of him?”

Warren chuckled. “Who hasn’t? He’s actually largely influences by Anglo-Saxon culture and its relationship with Christianity when it first came to Britain. Actually, there’s this poem I was teaching about called Dream of the Rood where—.”

Vlad cut him off. “My friend, nobody here wants to hear a lecture about an old poem. I’m sorry.”

“I just think it’s nice that you called me your friend,” Warren replied, looking pleasantly surprised. “We’ve come a long way from the days I thought you might be a werewolf.”

Vlad cracked a small smile. “Who said I wasn’t?”

We all laughed then, the sound rising in the lofted industrial space. Vladimir had slowly acquired his own deadpan humor, matching Warren’s wry bravado. Beside me, Caleb was happy to laugh along, to add to the banter they threw around. I had once held secret doubts about us getting together like this, but now, I was starting to think our relationship would last because of the friendship these men shared. They cared more about each other’s needs and space, and they valued me enough to offer balance in all our lives.

Things had fallen into place for us easily, almost too easily. I didn’t know why the doubts were there. There was always something bothering me, something trying to eat me up inside, or maybe it was that I had become so happy that I was scared of losing it all.

After dinner, I slowly found myself unable to watch the movie playing on the large flat screen. Caleb couldn’t help but notice. His eyes found my in the low light of the living room. Reaching over, he ran his hand gently over my hair.

“You okay, angel?”

I sipped my wine and nodded. “I’m good. I’m just thinking, that’s all.”

“Is it about how Moonstruck might be the best movie ever made?” Warren joked from his armchair. “I can’t believe I’ve never seen this before.”

“It’s certainly one of a kind,” I tried to banter back.

Vlad wasn’t buying it. I had just mentioned over dinner that this was one of my favorite films. Now, I was hardly looking at Nicolas Cage as he yelled about his hand and baking bread. Vlad, knowing me too well, picked up his remote and paused the movie.

“Tell the truth, Millie,” he insisted. “What’s on your mind?”

Sometimes, I wished I was a better liar, but they all had learned how to read me, for better or worse.

“I’m worried about this new work schedule and how it will affect us all,” I admitted to them. “What if I don’t end up having enough time for each of you?”

“How so?” Caleb wondered.

I shrugged. “Well, like last week, when I got back to your place, I was too tired to do anything but lie around.”

I had been running around all evening deciding what kind of tile needed to go in my bathroom. What I thought would be a quick decision became a three-hour experience, and that was after a day of training for work. Here, I was in my yoga pants and Caleb’s old university sweatshirt, fighting off the chill of the winter storm slowly arriving.

“It’s understandable and temporary,” Caleb insisted. “Things will be different once our new place is fixed up, and you won’t be living out of suitcases anymore, well, metaphorically.”

It was true. One-third of my life lived in each of their places. Until the duplex was ready, I didn’t have a permanent place to put it all, and it started seeming pointless to pretend I was staying with my twin. My life had been transient, shifting between the three of them. It was working for now, but it just didn’t feel like a long-term solution.

“We can find time,” Vlad quickly insisted. “We love you, Millie. We make time for the people we love.”

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