Page 72 of Some Nights

22

Saona

“So…one of the partners in the law firm has been driving me up the wall. He wants me to hook him up with you.” Carina leans in.

Oh God. Not another set up. I can’t take this shit anymore. Why does everyone need to try and find me a man? I want to be left the fuck alone but everyone means well, so I can’t say that. That said, I’m not going on another dry date, where I end up spending the evening chatting with someone when I couldn’t give two fucks about what they have to say. Nope, not going to happen.

“I’m taking a little break from dating right now. I’ve gone on too many dates lately and I’m just dated-out.”

“I understand.” But she’s got that courtroom look in her eye and staring like I’m a witness whose jugular she’s intent on. “What’s with you? I know this is not about David.”

“Everyone and their mother has been setting me up lately and I am a little tired of it. And it’s definitely not about David.”

“Who is the guy, then? Because you were really happy after the divorce. You were glowing and smiling.”

It’s over so it doesn’t need to be a secret anymore. “His name is Jax.”

I tell her the whole story. How he changed everything for me, how happy he made me, how badly he hurt me.

“I need therapy, right? Only a crazy woman is that affected by a long-distance relationship? I’m like a candidate for Doctor Phil.”

Carina’s gaze softens. “You’re so normal. At least you’re not with some gigolo trying to syphon every cent from you. It happens all the time. My divorced clients go on crazy tangents and date sleazy assholes who can put it down but it never comes cheap. At least yours was a nice guy.”

“Yes, nice guy intimidated by my money.”

Carina lets out a little laugh. “He’s a man, honey. Of course, he is intimidated. You’re a fucking powerhouse. Rich, hot, empowered, and stacked. I forgive him for wondering if he can measure up. I couldn’t forgive him for trying to use you like David did.”

“He’s not David. Not at all. I accused him of seeing me like a dollar sign. I feel so foolish, mostly for falling for him.”

“He made you feel like a woman, Saona. You haven’t had that in years. We knew David couldn’t do that, even before you were married.”

I want to disagree but I can’t. She knows me from way back when.

“The only thing you didn’t do for your ex was birth him. This Jax guy made you blossom. You don’t know how many guys have asked me for your number since I shared that photo of us at that end of the summer white-party in the Hamptons.”

“Stop.”

She shakes her head. “No, uh. You need to hear that. So, it’s either you get back with the hot bartender-government worker or you need to let other men tell you that. You can’t waste all this new sexual prowess."

Carina’s words stay with me. The whole drive to my mother’s house, I am plagued by thoughts. She is right. Jax was part of my sexual awakening. In my lowest moments, I’ve questioned if I would have gone to bed with any other guy who crossed my path the day my marriage ended. Every date I’ve gone on since July has answered that question with a resoundingno.

I’ve been wined and dined and bored all over New York. Even the trip with Carlos, another executive with my company, to Los Cabos didn’t go past a kiss that left the wrong taste in my mouth. Thank God my sister, niece and nephew came with us. Carlos left us the villa for the rest of the trip. He spent his time with another tourist he met at one of the hotel pools. Sierra, the kids and I had a great time together.

And then I came home to find the thank you card from his mom and aunt. The one I’m still keeping in a drawer by my nightstand. I couldn’t throw it out, not when it was hand-painted, handwritten withhonsscattered on the page and a sweetness that made me smile. Thedon’t give up on himat the end tore the yet-to-heal wound back open all over again.

I wave the thought away and pull up in front of my mother’s building.

Emmi and Eddie, looking every day more like my sister and me at their ages, are bouncing with energy the second I cross my mother’s threshold. They jump on me, hugging me and telling me they’re ready to go. They’ve been here all day and while Mom is a good grandma, she’s not much fun.

“We’re going to the Build-A-Bear store, right?” Emmi asks, her face lights up like Sierra’s when she’s excited.

“Yes.”

“Is Mommy going to meet us there?” Eddie asks. “I miss her so much.”

I ruffle his hair. “She’ll be here tomorrow but we’re going to have so much fun together, right?”

“Where did your sister go?”

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