Page 7 of Jerk Neighbor

“Not exactly…” He was having a hard time focusing. One one level, he knew the words coming out of that beautiful mouth were hostile. On another, he didn’t care.

She didn’t sound impressed with his response. “You really are something else. Well, thankfully, I’m not you. I don’t care about your relationships and I don’t care about your connections. You know what I do care about? You know what has priority with me? I’ll tell you. Getting into my place when I’m locked out.” She flashed a smile too big to be anything but artificial.

“Ah…” He had the feeling he should know exactly what she was talking about, but his brain had stopped working. That smile, for all its fakeness, dazzled him. God, she was beautiful.

An alarm started to buzz in his head. This bright idea he’d had could very well be a mistake.

“I can see you don’t know what I’m talking about. Again. Let me jog your memory for you, shall I?”

Bastian swallowed the words on the tip of his tongue:I assure you, I’ll let you do whatever you want.

“It was the middle of the night,” she went on. “I’d just moved into the building. Due to, um, some unfortunate decisions on my part, I got locked out of the condo. Now,” she held up her hands, “I know. You don’t have to say it. Not my best moment. I admit I got a little panicked calling locksmiths. But I found one and he agreed to come out as soon as he could. So…sound good so far? Sounds like a reasonable plan for somebody in my situation?”

“Ah…yes?”

“That’s what I thought. Well, it turns out the locksmith was having quite the busy night. Oh, well, I thought, that’s life. I’m not the most patient of people, but you know, I can wait. So I waited. I sat in that hallway for hours, texting for help and calling locksmiths all over town. And in the end I got thirsty. I got cranky. And what else? Can you guess? Yuhuh. Eventually that thing happens wherein the fluids you drink end up in the bladder and nature will not be denied. Are you following along here?”

“Ah…”

“So, to clarify the problem for you...nature is calling but I can’t leave the building because I am waiting for the lock man. And the lock man is missing in action. Is a picture forming here? Are you feeling the crisis?”

Bastian found himself without words. Had any woman ever spoken to him with such sassy sarcasm? Juju, maybe...yet the breezy socialite’s manner lacked a certain passionate, acerbic quality. Paula Raymond’s mouth, though, was lethal.

Deliciously.

He stared at that seductive mouth, thinking about how lethal it would feel against his skin.

“And so, innocent of what awaited me, fooled by rumors of this building being a friendly place, I knocked on the nearest door. That, as it happens, was yours. I hadn’t met you yet at that point, so you can imagine how relieved I was—no pun intended—when you opened that door. I didn’t know what awaited me, you see. You seemed a perfectly pleasant person at first. So I explained my problem. I even offered to give you Leo’s number so you could verify that I was staying in his condo. You, of course, promptly refused to help.”

Bastian swallowed.

“Re-fused. Yep. You curled your lip and said I should go find a convenience store if I was that desperate. Then you closed the door in my face.”

He felt heat rise up his neck. Mostly what he remembered about that night was feeling soured on women and the sight of two alluring, lace-covered breasts in a semi-sheer blouse distracting him while their pretty owner babbled something about something. “It was just an excuse to meet me.”

At her head slowly shaking with disbelief, he blew out a breath. “Damn.”

“Yeah, no, it wasn’t an excuse tomeet you. Where do you get this stuff? Wow. I mean, wow. But to wrap up this story, I had to go find a bathroom. That meant going all the way to University Village. Guess what happened then?”

He was getting a terrible feeling….

“Yessir, while I was running around trying to find a bathroom was precisely when the locksmith came. I’m talking minutes after I left.”

Shit.

“As it turned out, he couldn’t come out again until morning. So, that was a fun night.” Paula forestalled him when he opened his mouth by holding up her hand. “No, you know what? I didn’t even hold it against you, not one bit. I got it, I really did. I was a stranger. Who can say about strangers? For all you knew I was a crazy serial killer. Even I might have reacted the same way.However, the second time I met you—”

Bastian winced.

“I had a package—of yours—that the mail lady had accidentally delivered to my mailbox. I thought, look, Paula, he was rude to you once, sure. Try not to take it personally. He was probably just having an off day. Don’t let it stop you doing what you know is right. You’re better than that. So I did it. I found the charity in my heart, Bastian.”

In full rant as she was, her eyes were glorious. Was there anything about her that wasn’t gorgeous?

“And so, did you thank me for bringing it to you? Did you say, ‘Oh, gee, golly, neighbor, thanks so much for not leaving my misdirected package out there in the hallway where anyone could take it?’ No, you did not. Did you even say “great” or “oh, my” or anything halfway friendly? Did younod? No, no you didn’t. You opened the door, growled, and snatched it from me, dude. The end. Oh, no, wait, I’m wrong, I have more.”

“More?” She was magnificent. He could not look away.

“Yes. I have more. The time I was running late. I passed you in the parking garage. I asked you what time it was. That’s all. Do you have the time? Those were my very words. You didn’t even stop. You said you had no idea, even though the phone wasright in your hand. And, oh, yes, let’s not forget Chloe—that’s the neighbor on your other side in the corner unit, you know, elderly? With that great big shaggy dog?”

---