Page 4 of Jerk Neighbor

Paula yawned, stretching her neck. She took another sip of coffee, glancing at the control panel to estimate the time until she’d get to her floor as the elevator ascended.

“Isaidgood morning.” Her neighbor’s tone had sharpened, sounding impatient.

Idly Paula wondered who had earned his ire now. She assumed he was on his phone. She started to dream up fanciful scenarios. Perhaps it was his lawyer, discussing his upcoming trial for criminal rudeness. Hopefully justice would prevail and he’d pay for his crimes. Possibly crack one of his beautiful teeth on a stale ginger snap.

She slurped at her espresso, licking her lips. The powerful caffeine bomb detonated down her throat and esophagus, its molecules working magic wherever they touched. Already she was beginning to feel the humanity rise within her. It was her measured opinion that coffee was liquid nirvana, a subset of all foods off the “ambrosia” tree, along with pomegranate, buttered popcorn, and praline pecans.

She made a mental note to advise her friend Priscilla to write a story about a female superhero who sourced her power from coffee beans. It was a story that needed to be told. Bean Woman. Hm, well, maybe not. Coffee Girl. Latte Lady. Espresso Woman...oh, yeah, that worked. Espresso Woman, zippier than a late commuter...

“Hello. I know you can hear me.”

Her eyes had a will of their own and opened. Her pleasant daydream faded in the face of the bald truth.

The man in the elevator wasn’t on his phone at all.

He was looking straight down at her.

“Are you talking to me?” she gasped.

He narrowed his eyes. “Who else would I be talking to?”

“Oh, I don’t know, your girlfriend…somebody…anybody else…a beetle…a dustball…voices in your head...” With a careless shrug, she endowed a broad, fake smile upon him.

He blinked.

The elevator came to a stop. She flicked a little wave his way and mouthed,bye-bye.

Before the doors had fully opened, he said, “Wait.”

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