Page 86 of Fall for Me

“You’d always cry, like it was your fault we were getting in trouble. You didn’t talk much then, but I swore you wanted to take the blame for whatever we’d done. Even if you weren't there when it happened.”

I kept my first aid kit above my fridge and I pulled it out now, along with a clean rag from under the sink, which I held under the tap for a moment, soaking it with warm water. I was surprised by this revelation.

"I don't remember that,” I said, once I’d shut off the tap.

"We took advantage of you, me and Jude. Not badly, but if we knew we were going to get in trouble, we made sure you were around. Dad would have to comfort you then and go easy on us because of how upset you got.”

“Did Griffin know about that?” None of my brothers were the type to shift blame—not now—but even back then, as kids, I couldn’t see Griffin going for that. He was never scared of anything. He’d often stand up for us in front of our parents—and then levy his own decision later in the deliverance or withholding of his support going forward.

“Hell no. He’d rat us out if he saw us doing that. That’s how Mom found out.”

Eli laughed, but it faded as he looked at me again as I sat next to him and began dabbing at his knuckles with the damp rag.

Even though I was looking down, I saw his eyes dart to my forehead. How could they not when I was so close, angled right to him?

“Punching the wall was stupid, Eli.”

“I know it was. And I feel like fucking garbage for scaring Winona like that. I know she’s been through some stuff. But unlike you, she answers her phone.”

I dabbed a little harder then, and he sucked in a breath. I didn’t answer my phone because I’d been doing all the things I wasn’t supposed to do with his best friend all night, and we both knew it.

“Chelsea, whatever you and Seamus have going on is none of my business,” he said, as if reading my mind.

“That’s not true,” I said, picking up the gauze. “Seamus is your best friend. You’re allowed to have an opinion.”

“But it's not like I have any say over who he dates. Even if it’s my sister.”

Eli rubbed the bridge of his nose with his other thumb and forefinger. “But that’s not the worst of it. I said I was worried about you…”

“Chewing him up?” I supplied.

“Yeah.” He grimaced, dropping his hand. “That wasn’t fair. If anyone has a shit love life, it’s me. I fell head over heels for a woman who I don’t think ever really loved me.”

My heart squeezed. “Eli, come on.”

“Do you know she sent me a letter the other day? I haven’t been able to open it. It’s sitting on my kitchen table like an unexploded landmine.”

He saw my concerned expression and shrugged. “It’s okay. I know what love is, and she didn’t feel it the way I did.” As if he didn’t know what to do with himself, he ran a thumb over the woodgrain of the tabletop, smoothing some invisible flaw. Then he dropped his hand again. “Hell, maybe I didn’t either. I don’t know. I think sometimes I was obsessed with the idea of loving someone, of being romantic. But they’re not the same thing. So… maybe you dating whoever you wanted, then cutting them loose—maybe that’s the better strategy.”

I let out a laugh at that one as I began packing up the first aid kit. “Eli, are you kidding? I wasn’t happy with any of those guys.”

“Yeah, but you never fell for anyone—that’s smart. You waited until love found you.”

I dropped the roll of tape on the ground, where it landed with a deafening clatter.

Love?

“Eli, Seamus and I… we’re not even dating.”

“Come on, I see the way you two look at each other. I saw him looking at you like that before the crash even happened.”

The room seemed to contract around me, and for a moment, all I felt was the quickening of my own pulse. Love was not something I knew how to deal with. It wasn’t something I wanted. Love meant sharing everything.

Talking.

Baring your soul. And I’d already shared too much with Seamus.

Besides, Eli was just speculating.

---