Page 94 of Fall for Me

But Chelsea’s eyes turned darker then, angry, almost. “You can’t just take off like this. I’m trying, Seamus. Can’t you see that? I’m not running away like…”

I knew how that thought would continue—like I always did. But she wasn’t being honest with herself. I knew that now. I’d known that these past weeks with her. As much as I desperately wanted her to want me, I knew the way we were wasn’t good enough. Not for her, and not for me, either. Finally letting myself love Chelsea for these past few weeks had shown me what was possible, and I didn’t want her to experience anything less than everything.

“Do you love me, Chelsea?” I asked.

Dad’s footsteps sounded on the lower stairs. He wouldn’t know where we were, back here in the shadows. But he’d call for us and we’d have to say something.

When Chelsea looked back at me, her eyes were nervous. Darting.

Even though I knew she wouldn’t be able to say yes, and that maybe asking her wasn’t fair, the slice of pain I felt—the final nail in the coffin of what we had—it hurt. It tore through me like something jagged and barbed.

“I don’t know, Seamus. I haven’t let myself feel for so long. This is all so… I just need time.”

I wanted to tell her we had all the time in the world. Maybe, in some ways, we did. I could have told her I’d be back for holidays, long weekends. That it wasn’t that far, only four and a half hours. That all she had to do was say come and I’d drop everything. Instead, I brushed a last tear from her cheek. “It’s fine, Chelsea. Don’t worry, okay? Loving you has made me a better person.” She’d healed me—that was the truth. Even if I felt more broken now than I’d ever been, I wasn’t. Not like before. I knew I could love again. “But I never want to be the person holding you back. So go. Live that big life you always wanted. The one you deserve. Don’t even think about me for a second. I just want you to be happy, Chels. That’s all I ever wanted.”

I wanted to tell her I’d only be four and a half hours away. That I’d come for her at the drop of a hat.

That I’d wait for her.

But I meant what I’d said. I didn’t want to be the one holding her back. I didn’t want to be a burden or even a consideration on her path to figuring her life out. I just wanted her to exist in this world, happy with or without me.

I tried not to say any of that, but I couldn’t help the words that came out next. “You know I’m always there, Chels. I always have been, always will be.”

I kissed her then, across the ridged bump of her scar. Knowing it was the last time I’d ever touch her like this, with all the love in my heart, just for her.

Then I went outside to greet my father.

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