Page 83 of Fall for Me

Chelsea took a sip of her coffee. She wouldn’t meet my eye.

“Chelsea, I don’t care about your past. Whoever you were then made you who you are now.”

There was enough light in the sky now that I could see the slightest wobbly smile. “You’re too good for me, Seamus.”

We’d nearly reached the top now, and I stopped. This was what had been bothering her, I knew. “Hey.” I brought a hand to her cheek. “There’s nothing you need to fix about yourself.”

She swallowed.

I ran a thumb over her cheek. “You don’t have to be perfect to be with someone.”

“No. But you do need to be honest. When I woke up after that crash, I knew I had to change. I told you I don’t know how to be with anyone. I’m not supposed to be with anyone right now. Not till I figure my life out.”

She wasn’t wrong.

I rubbed my hand against my chest, as if I could soothe the ache inside. “I’m not expecting anything from you, Chelsea,” I said, my voice low.

Her smile was so sad I reached my hand up and cupped her face once again, wanting to tell her everything in my heart. But I knew I’d only scare her off.

Chelsea’s eyes welled. “I just don’t know how to get close to people, Seamus. I told you that the first night on the ridge. I told you that last night, before we… before everything.”

A bird called from the trees up ahead, and when I looked up, I saw the first rays of pink lighting up the space between the branches. My chest ached, old pain mingling with new. I slipped my hand into hers, as much to anchor myself with her as to tell her I was here, too.

“Come on,” I said. “We’re almost there.”

When we crested the hill, Chelsea took in a breath, her eyes wide. “Wow.”

The peak of the hill was a rocky promontory that offered 360-degree views. Behind us was the Quince Valley, and the hills beyond. But where we were looking, east, the hills rolled down into a rich swath of farmland, bracketed by the Quince continuing to our left, and to our right, the thick forest of a state park. All of it was lit up in oranges and pinks.

Instantly, my palms began to sweat, as this new pain in my chest slipped into something older and more familiar. Deeper, and more bruised. I shouldn’t have come up here. I thought the good of being with Chelsea would cancel out the bad of what had happened, but my blood ran cold with it now.

All I could feel was cold water, shunting over me.

“Seamus, are you okay?” Chelsea had turned from the view and was looking at me, concern draped across her features.

I swallowed down the lurching feeling in my stomach. I could lie. I could tell her I was just tired from last night.

But what was it she’d just said? We can be honest. I had to be honest.

That was why I’d suggested this walk, wasn’t it?

I took a breath, squinting out at the first slice of the sun inching above the horizon. “I last saw my brother alive at sunrise. In the Quince.”

Chelsea pressed a hand to my arm. “I didn’t know you were with him when it happened.”

“He was trying to save me.” I licked my dry lips. “We were fishing, and I caught something. It was big, and pulled me so hard I fell in. Neither of us had our lifejackets done up—young boys being stupid. He tried to grab me from the boat but…”

I shrugged, like this was just something that happened, but my heart thudded with the memory. I heard Kevin calling my name, felt the pressure in my lungs, the panic rippling through me. Felt his hand grabbing mine, placing it on the hull of the canoe.

“It happened because of me.”

I held my breath, waiting for her to shift uncomfortably, now that she knew it was my fault my brother was gone. But she just looked out into the bright golden orb sliding over the horizon now, her eyes glossy with tears.

“Shit, Chelsea, I’m sorry.”

“Sorry!” she laugh-sobbed, then shook her head. “You don’t…” She faltered.

It was too much. I’d shared too much.

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