Page 28 of Fall for Me

“Can we sit for a minute?” Chelsea asked. Then, without waiting, she lowered herself to the grass. I felt the loss of her hand like an ache.

I sat down next to her, leaning my arms across my raised knees.

The moon cast a glimmering line across the Quince River. To the right, lights twinkled in town; and in the distance, I could hear the soft rumble of cars.

“We’re spoiled by this place,” she said after a moment. “Quince Valley, I mean.”

She was right. I’d thought about it over the years. Anytime I traveled anywhere and came home again, I thought about how no matter how much beauty I saw out there, this was the most beautiful place I’d ever seen.

And the most painful.

“Chelsea,” I said. “Why are you really here?”

“I told you, I just wanted peace and quiet.”

“But you could have gone anywhere for that. Down by the river. In the woods by your place.”

She kept her eyes trained on the valley but sat up, resting her hands in her lap. “Seamus… what really happened that night?”

I don’t know if I was expecting that or not. I supposed some part of me was, because the answer came easy. “I saw you downtown, about to get in a car with your friend. You were both…”

“Drunk.”

“Yeah.”

She looked at me, and something sparked, hard and hot. I wouldn’t be able to lie to her. I knew that now.

“I know that part,” she said. “What happened after? In the truck. Before we got hit.”

My stomach churned. “You were drunk, Chelsea.”

She didn’t say anything. Neither of us spoke for a moment, and I knew she was waiting for me to fill the gap. She’d be waiting forever. I was fine with long silences.

But it wasn’t me who filled it with the truth then, it was her.

“I came onto you, didn’t I?”

I considered lying anyway, even though she’d know. So we could pretend it wasn’t true. But I was sent back to that moment. Her sitting so close to me, like she was now. Her hand, slipping onto me. The scent of her—tropical shampoo mixed with the booze on her breath.

The feelings—fuck the feelings. Wanting it so badly and knowing how badly it would turn out.

I turned away from her, looking down at my feet. I needed a shower. A shave. Dinner. I needed to be anywhere but here. But I also didn’t want to be anywhere else, even in the depths of this awkwardness.

“Yes,” I said bluntly, after a moment. “But I know it didn’t mean anything.”

“Did anything happen?”

“No.”

“So you turned me down?”

Did I say no? Did I just try to put her off? Or had I encouraged her to keep going, even by just not saying stop?

I ran my hand over my face, making my lip twang. The sharp jolt of pain helped kick some sense into me. “You were drunk, Chelsea. I was taking you home. Nothing happened between us because some asshole hit us, and you went flying out of the fucking car and I couldn’t stop it. I didn’t see it coming.”

When I looked back up, Chelsea’s eyes were on mine. “I’m sorry I put you in that position, Seamus. I never should have crossed that line. It’s a thing I did. It’s a way… for me to not feel.”

The words, which should have been reassuring, somehow stung. I realized then that at least some part of me had wanted her to feel something for me. To think I was different than the others. But I wasn’t, was I? I was just another guy, thinking I was special while knowing I wasn’t. Hell, she probably wasn’t even attracted to me. I knew how it was. One too many drinks and anyone will do.

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