Page 66 of His Heart

“Sorry,” she said, but she didn’t sound sorry. “Charlie is so awesome. I wish he was with someone who actually deserved him.”

I felt stupid for the little pang of jealousy that hit me at hearing her call him awesome. Brooke and Charlie got along fine, but she’d never acted interested in him.

“Yeah, me too.”

We wandered around the fair for a while. It was crowded, but people tended to move out of the way for a big guy like me. I bought Brooke a funnel cake and she shared a few bites with me. It tasted amazing. I so rarely ate food like that. I was always too concerned with keeping my heart healthy. But the worst part wasn’t the tempting food. It was watching Brooke lick powdered sugar off her fingers. That gave me a hard-on that was downright uncomfortable.

I needed a distraction, so I led her through the booths to play a few games. She laughed when I lost at a ring toss, then laughed harder when she lost too. The sound of her laughter rang in my ears, carrying above the din of the crowd around us. I loved making her laugh. It was like winning the lottery every single time.

“I know this is ridiculous, but I need some cotton candy,” she said when we’d gotten bored of playing carnival games.

“You know that’s pure sugar, right?”

“That’s the point,” she said. “But it’s a nostalgia thing. My mom took me to a big fair once. I don’t even remember where. Oklahoma, maybe? Anyway, she bought me cotton candy. We had a good time that day.”

She almost never talked about her mother, but I’d been able to put the pieces together. She hadn’t gone to live with the Harpers as a teenager because she’d had a great home life. And she’d told me a few things. But I always felt like she was skirting around the edges of her story, afraid to tell me the whole truth.

“I can get on board with that,” I said, leading her to a booth that sold cotton candy. She offered to pay, but I just looked at her like she was nuts. The lady handed her the bag—it was bright pink—and Brooke smiled.

“Thanks.” She pulled off a piece and stuck it in her mouth. “Oh my god, it tastes exactly like I remember. Want some?”

“I’ll pass,” I said.

The sun was sinking lower and the carnival lights were coming on. We walked slowly while Brooke picked at her cotton candy. I checked my phone and had a text from Charlie.

Charlie: Sorry to bail. I’m over it with her. Took her home. I’m done. For real this time.

“I think Charlie broke up with Kimmie again.” I tucked my phone back in my pocket.

“Really?” Brooke asked. “Do you think it’ll stick? Or will he go running back next time she texts for a booty call?”

“I hope it’s finally over,” I said. “I don’t know why he’s let it go on this long.”

“I don’t know either,” Brooke said. “Maybe the familiar is easier than the unknown.”

“Yeah, very true,” I said, but I wasn’t going to worry about Charlie too much. He’d figure it out.

I wondered if Brooke would talk more about her mom if I asked. I wanted her to let me in—to know she could trust me.

“So, was the last time you went to a fair like this with your mom?”

“I think so. I must have been eight or nine. It was during one of those rare times when she was single.” She paused and put another bit of cotton candy in her mouth. “I, um, I don’t know who my dad is, and my mom was almost always with some guy.”

She glanced over at me, her eyebrows drawn together, like she was worried. I just smiled.

“Anyway, she… god, I can’t even tell this story without getting into all my mom’s bullshit.” She took a deep breath. “Okay, I’ve told you my mom was an addict. She was wasted, like, a lot. But once in a while, she’d go through a short sober period. I don’t remember why this one happened. Sometimes it was like she really wanted to try, so maybe that’s all it was.”

We walked out toward a group of picnic tables and sat.

“Things were always so much better when she was sober,” Brooke continued. “She’d take care of me like a normal mom. I didn’t have to worry about making her mad all the time. And she’d actually do things with me, like the fair. We went and I just remember walking around and hearing all the noises and seeing all the lights. She must have spent a fortune playing games, trying to win me this pink teddy bear. She did, and I kept that thing for years.”

“What happened to it?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” she said with a shrug. “I guess I outgrew it, and I’m not sure what happened to it after that. Probably lost one of the times we moved.” She pulled out another wispy puff of pink and set it on her tongue. “She never bought me treats, but that day I guess she wanted to go all out. Maybe she was spoiling me to make up for all the shitty stuff she did when she was drunk or high. I wanted cotton candy, so she bought me some. She let me have the whole thing all to myself. It felt like such a big deal.”

“When was the last time you saw her?” I asked.

“I was seventeen,” she said. “She moved and I didn’t go with her. She called me a year or so later. Said something about being in Louisiana and I should come live with her again. I said no, and I haven’t heard from her since.”

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