Page 42 of His Heart

Pick me up? Wait, no. This was moving too fast. “No, you wouldn’t need to do that. I know where that is.”

“I know this is difficult,” she said. “But I think it will be a positive experience for all of us. Show us the good that came from Liam’s death.”

I bit my bottom lip to keep from shouting at her. Nothing good had come from Liam’s death. Not a single fucking thing. I didn’t care about some asshole in Iowa who’d needed a heart. Why was his life so special? Liam had been taken from me—from all of us—and nothing was ever going to make that okay.

But I didn’t want to make Mary feel bad. I’d done enough of that already. “I’m just not sure if I can make it tomorrow.”

“I’m sorry, I should have given you more notice. And if you just… well, if you just can’t, I certainly understand. I know how hard this is.”

Goddammit, why did she have to be so good? I knew they were disappointed in me, but Mary was always understanding. Sometimes I wished she’d just yell at me. Get angry. Call me names and lay the blame for everything at my feet. At least I’d deserve it.

But I desperately wanted to make her happy. She’d been a better mother to me than mine ever had, and I knew I’d hurt her by pushing her away after Liam died.

It wasn’t just the pain of seeing his family. That was hard. But I didn’t want her to know—didn’t want any of them to know—what a mess I’d become. How far I’d fallen. I was ashamed of myself for falling apart and not being strong enough to put the pieces back together.

Still, I found myself answering. “Yeah, okay. I might be able to come.”

“Yes?” She seemed to cover the phone or turn to speak to someone else. Probably Brian. “Yes, she said she might come.” Clearer, now. “We would all love it so much if you did. We’ve missed you.”

Not all of you.

“So, I guess I’ll just meet you there?”

“Yes, meet us there at noon,” she said. “Thank you, honey. We’re all looking forward to seeing you.”

Jared pulled up beside me, the roar of his motorcycle making it impossible to hear.

“Um, I have to go,” I said, half-shouting into the phone. I couldn’t hear if she replied.

My hands shook as I ended the call. What had I done? I’d just agreed to see the Harpers. Tomorrow. To meet the man who’d received Liam’s heart, of all things.

I’d been in some messed up situations in the last few years, but this took the cake, hands down.

I put my phone in my pocket and climbed on the back of the bike, slipping my arms around Jared’s waist. Out of nowhere, I swore I could hear Mary’s voice, asking me why I wasn’t wearing a helmet.

Because it doesn’t matter, that’s why.

“Ready, baby doll?” Jared asked, raising his voice to be heard over the rumbling engine.

“Let’s get out of here.”

He pulled out onto the street and hit the gas. My body thrilled at the sudden burst of speed. The danger. The wind blew my hair back from my face and I leaned over just enough to watch the lights race toward us. Alcohol and speed was a potent combination, one of the few things that worked anymore. One of the few things that made me feel as if I were still alive.

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