Page 116 of His Heart

“You did live through that.” Tears filled her eyes. “You loved him like that, and you had to watch him die. And then you had to try to go on living without him.”

I nodded again. It was all I could do.

“God, Brooke,” she said. “I get it now. You’re not weak. You’re strong as fuck to keep breathing after that. I don’t know how you do it.”

“Not very well,” I said. “Obviously. I’m a fucking disaster.”

She laughed. “Yeah, you’re a goddamn mess. But honestly? You’re not as bad as you think you are.”

I wished I could believe her.

We both took deep breaths and wiped our eyes.

“Do you think we can survive this?” she asked. “Because I love you and I really don’t want to lose you.”

“I don’t want to lose you either.”

We stood and wrapped each other in a tight hug. It made us cry all over again, so we held on, letting the tears come.

“I know I’m an asshole,” Olivia said through her tears. “I’m trying to work on that, though. I’m trying not to lose my temper so much that I’m a horrible person to the people I love.”

“I love you too,” I said, and sniffed hard. “And believe me, I’m an expert on being horrible to the people I love.”

She pulled away and brushed the hair out of my face. “What do you think you’re going to do now? Go back to work, maybe? Joe wants you to come back.”

“Why would he want me back?” I asked. “I’m the worst employee ever.”

“Not the worst,” she said. “You should go talk to him. I can go with you, if you want.”

I sat back down and Olivia followed. “I’m not sure what I should do. Being here is so painful. I keep thinking about going somewhere else. Starting over again. But I don’t know where. And nothing about me would be different. I’d still be a mess. But I wouldn’t have to walk around through memories all the time.”

“I hope you don’t leave,” she said. “God, life is fucking hard.”

“It really is,” I said. “I don’t know. I feel so lost.”

“I wish I could help you find what you’re looking for,” she said.

“I know,” I said. “But I don’t think anyone can.”

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