Page 101 of His Heart

I felt bad for Cami. Life had obviously knocked her around a bit. I understood what that was like. “I’m not mad at you anymore. It was a long time ago. And I’m sorry if you went through stuff that was shitty.”

She met my eyes and smiled. “Thank you. That means a lot to me.”

I figured she’d leave, now that she’d said what she wanted to say. But she traced her finger along the outside of her water glass. I just ate my breakfast.

“So, what have you been up to?” she asked. “Are you still at U of I?”

“Yeah,” I said. “For now.”

“Do you think you’ll move back to Waverly after you graduate?”

I paused and put my fork down, meeting her eyes. “No.”

“Oh,” she said. “Why not?”

I was surprised at the sudden sense of conviction I felt. But hearing Cami—who had been as much a part of that plan for the future as the job at my dad’s dealership—ask me that question began to harden my resolve. “Because that isn’t the life I want.”

“You’re going to turn down your dad’s job?” she asked. “You know in a few years he’d have you running things. Maybe even make you part owner. You’d make a fortune. You could live like a king in Waverly.”

“So?”

“So? He’s handing you a career on a silver platter. You could have your life back.” She paused and batted her eyelashes a few times. “You could have everything back if you wanted it.”

“I don’t want it,” I said, and a spasm of pain crossed her features. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but Jesus, why couldn’t anyone understand? “I’m sorry, Cami, but this isn’t about you. My life is different now. The Sebastian you knew in high school isn’t who I am anymore.”

“Of course it isn’t,” she said. “I’ve changed too. That’s what happens when you grow up and start experiencing things. But that doesn’t mean you should throw away the chance to have a comfortable life.”

“I don’t want comfortable,” I said. “And you know, I don’t think I ever did. Even if my heart had never gotten sick and I’d never gone through any of it, I wouldn’t have been satisfied with comfortable. I would have resented it.”

“Then what do you want?” she asked.

“I want to take risks,” I said. “Go places I’ve never been. I want to pursue my dreams and fail and try again. I want passion. If I’m going to be here, I want to really live. Otherwise, what’s the point?”

“But why can’t you have both?” she asked. “And what if some things are just meant to be?”

I pushed my plate away. I was getting tired of this conversation. “Did you come here to try to talk me into something?”

“I don’t know,” she said.

“Look, I accept your apology,” I said. “But if you’re fishing for some sign that you and I might have another shot, you’re in the wrong place. It’s not because I’m mad at you. It’s because I’ve moved on. I have someone in my life who means the world to me. You want to know what I want? Her. The rest, I honestly don’t know yet. But Brooke is the one thing I’m sure of.”

“What if that’s a mistake?” she asked.

I raised my eyebrows. “You’re asking me if Brooke is a mistake?”

She paused, pressing her lips together, her eyes on the table. I couldn’t tell if she was thinking about what to say, or just being dramatic.

“I know how you met her,” she said finally.

“What does that have to do with anything?” I asked.

“Seb, your mom told me she was supposed to marry him—the organ donor. And then he died, and they were so young. That must have been a devastating loss. Hasn’t it ever occurred to you that maybe that,” she said, pointing to my chest, “is why she’s with you? That she doesn’t really want you? She wants what’s left of him?”

“Why are you discussing Brooke with my mom?” I asked.

“Because we’re worried about you,” she said.

“Cami, you lost your right to worry about me, or who I’m with, when you broke up with me.”

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