Page 100 of His Heart

Sebastian

I walkedout of the classroom, knowing I’d just crushed my final. Considering how distracted I’d been since Brooke had left, it was something of a miracle. I was good at compartmentalizing—staying focused on just one thing, even in the middle of chaos. But this thing with Brooke’s mom was weighing on me, making it hard to focus.

Still, I’d pulled it off, and I’d done it for her. She wanted me to ace my tests, so I was going to ace the shit out of those fuckers.

Still, I kept feeling like I should have gone with her.

I hated that she was down there dealing with something as intense as her mother’s death without me. I’d had a bad feeling when she’d left, and now it was worse. She’d been texting me to keep me updated, and this morning she’d said she’d need to stay a few days longer than she’d thought. I’d been ready to go to the airport and get on the first flight I could—or maybe just fucking drive the twenty-four hours to Phoenix—but she’d stopped me. Again. I had another final on Monday, and she wanted me to stay and take it.

She’d insisted this was what she needed from me. I wanted to give her what she needed, but I didn’t have to like it.

I was free for the rest of the day, although I had to spend more time studying. I also needed food, so instead of going to the library, I drove out to Billy’s, a diner I liked that served great breakfast. If it wasn’t too busy, I could get some studying done there anyway.

The restaurant was quiet, so I got a table by the window and ordered a breakfast burrito. I pulled out a stack of envelopes from my backpack and laid them out in front of me.

Admissions packets. I’d requested them from five different universities with good architecture programs. There was no guarantee that I’d be accepted if I took the leap and applied. But I had a shot. My grades were good, especially since I’d been back at U of I. I’d taken most of the prerequisites.

But I still wasn’t sure.

I didn’t have to ask to know what Brooke would say. She’d tell me to apply. I knew she’d have my back.

Something was still keeping me from taking the plunge. This would mean leaving U of I—leaving Iowa. All the schools I was interested in were out of state. I liked the idea of moving somewhere new—that wasn’t a problem.

But it would also be the point of no return. It would officially set my life on a different path—one that didn’t end in Waverly with me running one of my dad’s dealerships and coaching wrestling on the side.

Like I’d told Brooke, I hadn’t been on that path since the day my heart had stopped. It had been almost seven years and I was still trying to figure it all out. Who I was. Where I was going. I’d gone from believing I was going to die before I was old enough to order a beer, to being healthy again, able to pick up the pieces and go back to my life.

But in trying to pick up the pieces of who I used to be, I’d stalled out. Some of those pieces didn’t fit anymore. I wasn’t the guy who’d thought wrestling was a metaphor for life—who’d thought winning was everything. Who’d been content to follow the path that everyone expected.

I didn’t want to be like those guys I used to hang out with, who never thought beyond the obvious. Who got jobs they didn’t care about and married their high school or college girlfriends, simply because that’s what you do. Not because it was what they wanted. Not because that life had anything in it that set their soul on fire.

“Hi, Sebastian.”

I glanced up, surprised to see Cami standing next to my table. I’d been so lost in my thoughts, I hadn’t noticed her.

“Hi.” I quickly scooped up the admissions packets and stuffed them in my backpack. “What are you doing here?”

“I met a friend out here for coffee this morning. I drove by and saw your car outside so I stopped. Do you mind if I sit?”

“I guess not.” I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. I didn’t really want to sit and talk with her. I was still annoyed with my mom for the dinner debacle. But that hadn’t really been Cami’s fault.

“Thanks.” She lowered herself into the chair across from me. “So, how have you been?”

“Great,” I said. “How about you?”

“Okay,” she said. “It’s weird to be back in Waverly. It all looks the same, but it’s not, you know?”

“Yeah, things change.”

“They do,” she said. “People do too.”

The waitress brought my breakfast and asked Cami if she wanted a menu. Cami glanced at me, like she was hoping I’d invite her to stay, but I didn’t. She told the waitress she’d stick with water.

“Sebastian, I’ve really been wanting to apologize,” she said. “I was hoping I’d get the chance when your parents had us over for dinner last month, but…”

“Kind of hard when I was there with my girlfriend,” I said. Cami flinched, but I didn’t feel bad about it. I was with Brooke and it was better that she knew where things stood.

“Yeah,” she said. “Well, what I wanted to say was that I’m sorry. I abandoned you when you needed me. It was immature and selfish. I was so caught up in sorority life and parties. I thought I wanted a boyfriend who could spoil me and show me off. But all I got out of that was drama. Guys who didn’t care about me. Who cheated on me and treated me like I was disposable. And then I went off to Chicago and I thought I’d be living this glamorous big-city life. But none of it turned out the way I expected.”

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