Page 43 of Just Breathe

“Have you talked to your therapist?” She sounded hesitant.

“No, but I am going to see if I can talk to her today. They helped me realize I stayed for a reason and while it might hurt like a bitch, there is a reason I’m here and I should be grateful.” I looked into the kitchen. Seeing them and being here made me feel safe. I felt a little lighter.

She was quiet for a moment. I figured she didn’t like the fact that other men were comforting me, or perhaps I might move on. It was the longest moment in time and I felt the disapproval in her silence. She sniffled, and I realized she was crying.

“I’m sorry, Madie. I didn’t mean to unload and make you cry.” Madie was the last person I wanted to hurt because she’s done so much for me after Henry died.

“Oh, shut it, Jane.” She blew her nose. “I’m not crying because you unloaded on me. For the first time in a long time, you sound hopeful and not like the world is ending. I loved my brother. It hurts that he had to leave. I come home to a family who’s helped me process and live with his death. You’ve had no one and I know that must be hard. That’s why I constantly tell you, you can tell me anything. I don’t want you to feel like you’re alone because you’re not.”

Relief bloomed in me. She wasn’t mad at me; she was happy. “I’m afraid if I unload, it’s going to be too much for anyone. I have a fear of feeling like I’m not in control and I’ll spiral into destructive behavior, so if I keep it locked up and try not think about it, it makes it easier to pretend everything is alright.”

“Honey, you need to heal, and I know going through whatever you went through was hard, but necessary.” She sniffled again. “I’m glad you had those guys to help you. Are the other guys as good looking as Aiden?”

“Madie!” I was surprised she asked me this, but now that I knew she was just wanting me to heal, I guess it was the next stage of our relationship.

“Oh, come on, you know Aiden is hot, and from what I’ve heard from clients, his crew isn’t ugly either.”

“Well, your clients would be correct. They are very nice to look at.” I felt embarrassed talking to Madie about finding men attractive. “This is weird.”

“Don’t make it weird. I mean, I can’t expect you to stay celibate, or not move on with a man or woman, if you decide men are too much.” Madie was always an equal opportunist, and I knew she was serious about the woman part.

“Yeah, I think I’ll stick to men.” I laughed.

“Men? Oh, so you’re going to have sex with all three of them?” she asked seriously.

“Madie, I didn’t say I was going to have sex with the three of them.” Of course, with my luck, Nathan picked that exact moment to come outside. I knew he heard the last part of my sentence when he raised his eyebrows at me. Fuck my life. I knew my face was probably beet red from embarrassment.

“We were thinking of eating alfresco. You cool with that?” he asked, and Madie howled in laughter in my ear.

“Uh, alfresco is fine.” I managed not to stumble over my words in embarrassment.

“Ok, we will bring out the food. Coffee refill?” He smirked at me, and I knew he was going to go back and gossip to the guys.

“Please.” I smiled back, feigning calm.

“Damn, his voice was sexy.” She was still holding back some laughter.

“I hate you. That was embarrassing and now I’m sure he’s going to go tell the guys we were talking about them, and I was thinking of having sex with all of them.”

“Think about the orgasms.” Madie laughed again because she knew she was embarrassing me.

I saw the guys coming outside. “Ok, I’ll talk to you later. Love you, bye!” Hanging up before she could embarrass me even more. Nathan was smirking as he put a big plate of the waffles down with sausage and bacon. Ugh, why did he have to hear me?

“Here you go.” Callum set my mug down.

Aiden passed out plates as Callum and Nathan went inside again. “Everything ok?”

“Oh yeah. I called Madie, she called twice, and I didn’t want her to worry. I still have to call my brother back and Michelle.”

“Are you going to work tonight?” He looked like that was the worse idea.

“No, she told me not to come in, but she wants to talk. I’m sure I was a mess, or actually I don’t know. After I went to the locker room, I can't remember what happened. I know I cried, but after that I don’t know.” I got a waffle and put it on my plate. “Hopefully it’s not to fire me.”

Nathan and Callum returned with toppings for the waffles, milk, sugar and sat down. We all put food on our plates, while Callum literally piled food on his plate. I don’t know why I was always surprised he ate so much.

“I doubt she’s going to fire you, but maybe just to check up on you. Does she know about your situation?” Aiden continued our conversation.

“You think you’re going to get fired?” Nathan looked angry.

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