Page 39 of Just Breathe

I nodded my head. “I’m almost done with this shit, and I’ll go to her.” I looked up at Nathan, studying him. “Are you ok?” I asked.

“No, I’m not ok. All day she’s reminded me of Natalie. She was like this before she killed herself and it’s fucking freaking me out. I know they have different situations, but I can’t help but see Natalie when I look at Jane.” He ran his hand through his hair. “It’s killing me, and I wish I would stop choking up when she cries. I feel like a fucking douche.” He took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes.

“It hasn’t been that long. I think you’re being way too hard on yourself.” I leaned back against the chair. “You can get over shit like that without having some hang-ups.”

He looked at me like I was crazy. “Since when did you become such a therapist?”

I shrugged, not knowing where all this shit was coming from but for once I didn’t check out when the going got tough and I know I needed to work on my shit especially when there was a woman in my room who wasn’t emotionally stable. Someone who might become something more and she didn’t deserve anymore baggage. “I don’t know. I think she’s making me want to be someone better.”

He nodded his head, but I knew he wasn’t agreeing with me, but more like he was absorbing what I was saying. “I know it’s crazy,” I continued. “But I can’t explain it. Seeing her broken today was hard, and if something happens between us, I don’t want my shit to bring us down.”

“You really like her.” It wasn’t a question, but more of a statement. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk about a girl like this.”

“Maybe no one has caught my attention long enough or I haven’t been able to connect to someone because I see the sadness in her eyes, and it speaks to me.” Today changed something in me, I was talking like a love-struck idiot. I wanted to be more for her. I wanted to be that person she leaned on when she needed help.

My cell phone vibrated. I looked down at it, and of course, my sense of clarity faded away.

10pm Old Monroe train station.

“Fuck.” My fuck ups, of course, decided today of all days to come forward.

“Candy?” Nathan came into the room, curious.

“No, it’s Lucio.” Any other night I wouldn’t have cared, but tonight I didn’t want to go.

“Of all nights, it had to be today.” He looked just about as frustrated as I did. “You can’t decline, say it’s an emergency.”

“Unless I’m in the hospital, he won’t give a shit.” I tried taking a deep breath, but that just made it worse. I shot Aiden a text, letting him know what was happening.

He replied immediately.Are you fucking with me? What time?

10pm in Monroe,I replied.

I’m leaving in 10.

“Well, let me get started on dinner so you can eat before. Go lay with Jane for a bit and I’ll come and get you when food is done. I’m hoping maybe she will have an appetite.” Nathan left the room, leaving me to stew about having to fight. I checked the time on my phone. It was five forty-seven. I had at least a few hours before I had to leave. I might as well lay with Jane for a while, make sure she is ok.

I walked into the room, seeing Jane spread out on the bed. She was on her belly, her shirt riding up so I could see her back and a little of side boob. She looked so peaceful that I didn’t want to chance waking her up. I slowly got into bed with her, making her eyes open quickly. She looked disoriented as she rolled away, giving me space to lie next to her. I laid on my back while she rolled back my way, laying her head on my chest.

“I’m afraid I’m drowning, not even realizing that I’m slowly losing air,” she whispered, laying her head close to my heart, and I felt her tears fall on me.

“Sometimes it’s ok to lose your breath, that burn in our lungs shows us we are alive and sometimes it gives us the motivation we need to survive.” I pulled her even closer, hoping that I could be the air she needs to just breathe.

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