Page 37 of Just Breathe

“I can’t do this alone. I.. I… Why was I left behind?” she rambled on. “It hurts so much.”

“Who left you behind?” I felt frustrated that I wasn’t understanding her, but probably making it worse.

“Them, they left me. He…. He would have done better if he just survived and… and I wouldn’t have to deal with all of this.” She was so upset she was hyperventilating.

“Jane, baby, I need you to breathe.” I held her face in my hands, trying to get some logic in her.

“I don’t want to breathe. I shouldn’t have been left breathing, It’s not fair.” She struggled against me, raising her voice.

I tried to hold on to her as she struggled against me, still breathing too fast. “You’re going to pass out, Jane, if you don’t calm down.”

“I shouldn’t be here.” She pushed me away, looking wrecked. “I can’t be here. It’s not fucking fair.” She was panting at this point. I grabbed her, holding her against me with enough force to hold her but not hurt her. She struggled against me as Nathan opened the door to the bathroom to see what was going on.

“I’m- I’m alone. They left me alone.” She cried even harder while she struggled against me. I held on while looking at Nathan as he tried to get his own shit together. He stared at her like he saw a ghost. He gave me a look that look like he was saying sorry and walked away.

“Just breathe, Jane.” She struggled for a few more minutes before she finally gave up and took a deep breath. “That’s it, give me another one.” She was still crying, but she took another breath. I adjusted her so she was straddling me, and I leaned against the counter. We stayed like that until her breathing got under control.

“Look, I will not leave you again, but you need a shower, Jane. Do you want me to help you?” I pulled away to look at her.

She nodded at me, but it was like she wasn’t seeing me. I stood up, bringing her up with me, letting her feet touch the floor to stand, as I went to the shower to make sure it was still warm. Thank God for tankless water heaters. I stood by the shower for a little longer than I should of, convincing myself into helping her shower. I took off my work clothes and left my boxers on, not wanting to be indecent. Before I could suggest she keep her clothes on, I turned around to see Jane completely naked.

Fuck. I kept my eyes on her face, willing myself to not look down, seeing she was just staring off into the distance, completely unaware that we were going to shower together. “The water is ready.” I grabbed her hand and led her into the shower. Closing the door behind us and forcing her into the spray. She closed her eyes and just stood there.

I looked up at the ceiling, praying for someone to throw me a bone here because I did not want to get hard while we showered. I got to work thinking only about getting her clean and washing off the night’s horrors and the blood that was still left on her.

I washed her hair with my crappy two in one shampoo and conditioner. I massaged her head, hoping to relax her a little, then I washed her face, and then I went to wash her body. I’ve never been so nervous about touching a woman before.

“Do you want to wash yourself?” My voice was huskier than I thought it would be. She was staring at nothing, lost in whatever was going on in her head. I tilted her chin up to look at me. “Do you want to wash yourself?”

She blinked at me, looking lost. It was almost as if no one was home. She took the soap from me, slowly washing herself, and I tried to look away from how her hands cupped her breast or down her stomach. I closed my eyes and pushed myself under the water to distract myself and my growing erection. I ran my hands through my hair, trying to think of anything except this gorgeous woman next to me. As I got out from under the spray of water, Jane bent over to wash her legs.

Thankfully, she was quick, and I didn’t get a glance at that gorgeous ass for too long. She gave the soap back to me as I pushed her under the spray so she could rinse off and I could make sure she had no suds in her hair. The door to the bathroom opened. “Callum, you in there?” Aiden's voice had a hint of anger. I knew he thought this was a bad idea but it was already done.

“Yeah. We are almost finished. Can you get us towels?” I washed myself off quick and turned the water off. Aiden was holding out a towel high enough that he was respecting her privacy when I opened the door. I pushed Jane gently to get her out and turned her around so Aiden could wrap her up in the towel. He picked her up and set her on the vanity while throwing me my towel. He noticed I was still in boxers and his glare softened ever so slightly.

“I have to go to the house and set the workers up. I have two crews today and I gotta make sure we finish the new flooring and get ready for the cabinets,” Aiden spoke to Jane, and I don’t think she was even listening. He dried her hair off with another towel as I went into my room to get some dry clothes.

I went back into the room as I noticed Aiden cupping Jane’s face. He whispered something to her as she just continued to stare, but a tear escaped from one eye. “I should be back by the end of the day. If I can, I’ll check back on you guys for lunch.” He nodded at me as he kissed her cheek and left the bathroom.

I put the clothes I got for her on the counter, dried her off even more as I looked for cream. I knew little about women, but my sister said they like to be clean, moisturized and with detangled hair. So, I went to work to do all three. As I detangled her hair with the smallest flimsiest comb in the world, Nathan popped his head in. “Tea?”

I nodded my head, thinking it might relax her enough so she can finally get some sleep. I got as many tangles as I could out before I put my clothes on her. She was still lost in her own thoughts with the occasional tear falling down her face. I pulled a shirt overhead, pulled my boxers over her legs and pulling her forward to get it over her butt.

“Come on, let’s get you into bed and some tea.” I picked her up, taking her into the room where Nathan was waiting for us on the bed. I laid her in the middle of the king as Nathan pulled the covers back.

“Here’s some chamomile tea.” Nathan brought a cup to her, waiting for her to grab it, but she leaned forward, taking a sip. “Are you hungry, Jane?”

She shook her head and went back for more tea. Her lids got heavy, making her blink more slowly. “Let’s get you tucked in. You need some sleep.” I pulled up the blanket so she could move down.

She looked at me and then at Nathan. “Please don’t leave me.” Her lips trembled. “I can’t take being alone anymore,” she whispered, bringing on more tears.

“It’s ok we won’t leave you alone.” Nathan looked like he wanted to leave when the tears started but he stayed, helping her lay down. He looked at me like he was telling me he couldn’t stay. I nodded at him, letting him know I was going to stay.

I got into the bed with her, not laying too close but close enough. She didn’t waste any time laying her head on my chest and throwing a leg over my legs. She nuzzled into my chest, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes.

“Why did they leave? Why was it just me who survived? It hurts too much.” Her face scrunched up in pain and everything that had happened earlier made a little more sense. She had survivor’s guilt. It was eating her up, but I still don’t know what triggered it. I looked up at Nathan and he frowned, getting up and leaving the room.

I didn’t know what to say, but I held her a little tighter and ran my hand up and down her back to soothe her. It a matter of minutes she was asleep, and I followed her shortly.

---