Page 52 of Accidental Baby For My Brother’s Best Friend

Locke

So that’s it. It’s over and I’ll just have Gemma raising a little toddler with my eyes or my smile and have no say in any of it. I’m angry; angrier than I should be, maybe, given that I haven’t told her how I feel or what I want.

That’s the thing, though. Does it matter? What’s most important is for Gemma and the baby to be happy and healthy, and I don’t know that I can provide that. We barely know each other, and no matter how much Ifeel,it doesn’t matter. Feelings don’t pay for diapers and formula. My passion for music won’t pay our kid’s tuition. My emotions won’t make Gemma love me back.

I make plans for the future when I’m feeling unsure, because it’s the only thing that keeps me on the ground. Otherwise, I’ll lie in bed with a bottle of tequila and the world will stop turning, and that’s not how it should work. Not now.

I’m going to quit the Spades. I know that I should finish the tour, keep my responsibilities because I’m the only drummer, but I don’t know if I can stand it. I don’t know if I can stand seeing Gemma every day, thinking of what I’ve begun to look at as my future and know I can never have it.

I can’t go to my best friend first, as much as I’d like to, because it’s up to Gemma when she wants to tell him. I might be furious that she didn’t tell me what was going on or that she’d chosen someone else, if that was the case, but I shouldn’t have hit him. Axel was my friend before I fell in love with Gemma, and I can’t leave the band without making amends, even if I can’t bear to be his friend afterward. That’s another thing. I’m not just losing Gemma and our child, but the family that I’ve found. I consider Samuel, Jackson, and even Axel my brothers, in a way, since I never had that sense of family growing up.

I’ll call my old boss down at the construction crew and see if he’s got a position open, send money to Gemma and the baby every month. She says I can walk away with my hands clean, but that’s not true. If I walk away, I lose everything.

I’m hungover and slept only a few thin, alcohol-soaked hours at Daniela’s the night before, so I wait until well after nine in the morning to go to Axel’s door.

He answers. He’s got a band-aid on his forehead and he flinches when he sees me, clearly expecting someone else. Probably Gemma, but I can’t think about that too much or I’ll hit him again.

He’s got his things packed, and I feel lucky that I haven’t unpacked my things during all the commotion, since I’ve already reserved a car to rent to go to the airport.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” I tell him, brushing past him into his room, and Axel shuts the door and turns to me slowly, as if I’m a cornered animal.

“Likely story,” he says dryly, but he’s smiling just a little.

“I came to apologize.”

Axel blinks. “What? Locke Kincaid, apologizing? Are you still drunk from last night?”

I shake my head and then pause. “Well, maybe a little, but that’s not why I’m here. I need to talk to you about-”

Axel holds up a hand to cut me off, his phone buzzing. “Samuel’s calling to bitch at me for not being downstairs already, hold on.”

He greets with a “yo!” and I sigh, sitting down on the edge of his unmade bed. I stand up again quickly when I realize that Gemma might have spent the night on that bed, for all I know. That’s something that Idefinitelyshouldn’t be thinking about, if I want to preserve my dignity while leaving the Spades.

“Oh fuck, he knows?” I watch the color drain from Axel’s face but I’m not worried. Jackson’s definitely going to lose his mind, but I’ve accepted that, at this point. The next thing he says makes my blood go ice cold, my shoulders stiffen. “The hospital?”

“Is it Gemma?” I ask, loudly, and Axel just stares at me until I take his shoulders in my hands and shake him gently. He nods, and I curse under my breath, pacing around Axel’s hotel room.

She doesn’t want you. She didn’t even call you,I tell myself, but it doesn’t matter. I don’t care. All I care about is Gemma and our baby being safe. She might not want to see me, but Ihaveto know that she’s okay.

Axel hangs up the phone and grabs his wallet, shoving it into his basketball shorts and rifling through a duffel bag for a shirt.

I know that I should hurry, go straight to the elevator, but my head feels fuzzy from lack of sleep and everything that’s happened in the last few days, and I feel numb and slow. I wonder if I’m in shock or if Iamstill a little drunk.

While Axel lets out a string of curses trying to find a shirt, there’s a bang on the door like the police are here and Axel throws it open.

Jackson stands there in sweats and a sleeveless shirt, gaping at Axel, more than likely shocked by the state of his face.

Axel ruins everything by going outside with his hands raised as if in surrender.

“It’s not mine!” he blurts out. “I swear to God, I never touched her! Well, not likethat,anyway.”

“What the fuck do you mean, it isn’t yours?” Jackson approaches Axel menacingly and backs up. “Are you calling my sister a slut?”

“No! I’m just saying it’s notmine!”

“Then who the hell-”

That’s my cue to leave, bolt for the elevator and hope Jackson doesn’t catch me. Yet, I just keep standing there like an idiot as Jackson’s gaze follows Axel’s and I can see the realization dawn on his face.

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