Page 94 of Vegas Duology

"She asked you?"

He nodded."I wasn't thinking about marriage at all.Looking back, I don't even think I loved her.It was all wrong."

"But you got married anyway," I said.

"We did.At a little chapel off the Strip.Just us, no witnesses.We'd only been together about a month."

Right around the time I discovered I was pregnant.

"It was bad from the start," he continued."We fought all the time.Badly.I hated who I was with her.I don't know why I expected marriage to be any different."

While he spoke, Leo was looking at me, but I don't think he saw me.His eyes had a faraway look, as if he were picturing his wife."She was wild," he said."She loved the nightlife of Vegas and the constant party.And sure, it was fun for a while.We'd go out after work, even if it was two in the morning.And we'd drink, a lot."

I flinched at the thought of this Leo I didn't know, this other Leo.His grip tightened on my hand and his eyes came back into focus on mine.

"Please," he said, his voice pleading.

When I nodded, he continued."I only drank when we were out.It wasn't a problem for me then, but it was a problem for Tamara.And there was more than just alcohol."

"Drugs?"

He nodded.

"Did you?"

He nodded again."Like I said, I'm not proud of who I was.I always said I'd never be like my mother, but there I was, doing my best to be just like her."

"No."

"There was cocaine," he said as if he hadn't heard me."I resisted it at first, and tried to keep Tamara away from it, too.But, after a few drinks...anyway, partying started to take over my life, too.There were times I'd come into work without having slept.I don't know how I managed it, but I did."

"And Tamara?"

"Things were different with her.I don't know if I was too drunk or high, but I didn't see the real her.Even if I had wanted to, I don't know if I would have.Our schedules didn't always merge and on nights that I was working, she'd go out anyway.We'd been married about a year when I realized she wasn't always alone on those nights."

"She cheated on you?"

Leo laughed but the sound was hard and cold."If you could call it that," he said."Tamara's definition of marriage was much looser than mine.There were a lot of men."

"Did you leave her?"

"No," Leo said and shook his head."I don't know if you remember me telling you, but I never knew my dad."

"I remember."

"I grew up with a strange sense of family, and all I ever wanted was what I never had when I was little.In my head, marriage was supposed to be forever."

"But you didn't love her."

"No, but....I was married."

"So you tried," I said.I could picture a younger Leo trying desperately to hang on to a marriage that never really was, and my heart hurt for him.

"I tried.In my own messed-up way.For a while we even stopped partying so much.At least, I did."

"So what happened?"

"As I'm sure you can guess, drinking on the job, let alone using, is completely forbidden.And as a general rule, I tried not to party at the casino at all.I thought it was best to completely separate the two.Despite everything, my career was still important to me."

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