Page 26 of April Renegade

CHAPTER TWELVE

At the Long Center, our stage has been set up on the H-E-B Terrace and Hartman Concert Lawn, which allows the audience to view the gorgeous city as they lounge in the grass or stand near the open stage. There are two local bands setting up to open for us, and I look forward to seeing the sun slowly retreat down into the earth in a couple of hours, where it will hide below the skyscrapers until tomorrow morning.

By the time we hit the stage, the sun will have fully set, and the stars will be replaced by the lit windows of the tall buildings on all sides of us.

A section of the lawn and stage is taped off so that we can all get set up, even though it’s nearly impossible to keep onlookers from getting close. Luckily, no one has tried anything drastic; just a few excited shouts and words of love from those walking along with their dogs or partners from afar.

The last few hours after we checked into the hotel and immediately drove over to the Long Center, this time in sedans via private drivers, we worked with our stage crew and Mike extensively on when to enter, the setlist, the lighting, and all the nitty gritty details that are worked out and set up before the audience arrives. Without our crew members who accomplish all the behind the scenes and sound work, we wouldn’t live up to our full potential.

Sean and I sit on the lawn, soaking in the last of the sun’s bright rays before heading backstage. The audience will start arriving soon, and we want to relax as much as possible beforehand.

Sean sucks on a joint and offers it to me. I pass with a small shake of my head, knowing how just one puff would agitate my throat and turn me into more of a wreck than I already am with the impending engagement. I sip on more warm water as we stare up into the sky. I’d love to take a puff of the weed to calm my nerves, but it’s out of the question.

My heart aches in my chest as I think of the best way to tell Drew. He won’t understand. Hell, I don’t even understand myself most of the time. But I can’t be with Drew. Not wholly—not how he needs me to be. The strain of something like that on the band would be calamitous, and it would break Lizette along with it. It’s not like I haven’t run the different scenarios in my mind daily for the past few years. I let out a rough exhale into the sky and twirl a piece of grass that I plucked from the earth in between my fingers.

Drew has been distant since we got to the hotel, and I have no idea why. I wonder if he knows about my plans for tonight; but how would he? Did he see the ring in my bag? That didn’t make sense. He would’ve brought it up last night. Still, I can’t help but be overly aware that he’s avoided me ever since we arrived at the venue. He, Brian, and Trish are currently hanging out backstage with the local bands.

I wish he was the one laying with me in the grass.

The rose gold, flashy diamond ring I chose for Lizette sits in my pocket like an anchor. I’ve had it for two months and have been putting it off. Everyone around the world expects me to propose to my beautiful, down to earth, girlfriend. If I was a different man, I know I’d be looking forward to proposing to her–but I’m not.

As if I summoned her, I hear Lizette before I see her. I raise my body up on my elbows and see her walking up to us on the lawn.

Lizetteisgorgeous. Her natural golden hair flows around her, perfected into flawless waves that surround her upper body as she walks closer. Her skin is smooth. It shimmers in the sun, and I can see the sparkle of her emerald eyes from yards away. She wears black skinny jeans that hug her curves paired with one of our older band tees.

Aside from Drew and Sean, Lizzy is my closest friend. I fake my best smile as hatred for who I am rolls through my body. The guilt comes back tenfold. While I smile up at her, I see Drew’s body underneath mine from the night before.

She beams down at me and then sits alongside us in the grass.

“You’re early,” I say.

She winks. “I wanted to give you a good luck kiss before the show.” She looks around the venue. “And I wanted to get a good seat.” I chuckle because we both know she will be watching from the sidelines next to our bodyguards.

Lizzy leans over and presses her plump, glossy lips against my mouth. I feel nothing. Yet, I kiss her back, falling deeper into my own facade.

Sean leans over me after we break apart, and he and Lizette fist bump. He stands up to take his leave but doesn’t do so without looking back at my soon-to-be fiancée to say, “Lookin’ smokin’ as always, Lizzy.”

She rolls her eyes but grins as he walks away.

As soon as he’s out of earshot, she turns her body to me and leans in. She covers me in a deeper kiss that tells me she’s longing for my body. I try not to tense, but it can’t be helped. She pulls back.

“What’s wrong, babe? You seem off.”

Damn her for being able to read me so well. I shrug. “Just didn’t get much sleep last night.” It wasn’t a total lie.

Mike calls to us from the bottom of the hill. “They’re letting people in! Get your ass backstage, Lancing!”

We stand. “Mama bear is a bit grumpy today,” Lizette jokes.

“He’s homesick. You know how he gets when he’s away from Miranda for more than a few days.”

We make our way down to the stage and come to a stop. Lizzy grabs my hands in hers and even though she’s taller than most women, she still has to reach up to meet my lips on her tiptoes. She kisses me softly and runs her hand gently over my jaw. But her lips and hand are too smooth; too delicate. They aren’t rough like I need them to be. The smell of her floral perfume is too sweet when all I crave is the sweet smell of Drew’s leftover aftershave intertwined with his sweat.

“I’ll come meet you in the dressing room before the show?”

I nod and squeeze her hand, then retreat backstage.

I’m holedup in the dressing room that I share with Sean. I sit on the couch, sipping on tea and honey, and I stare down at the velvet ring box in my hands.

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