Page 21 of April Renegade

Ash joins us and sits down on the bench seat next to Trish and Sean with a drawn-out yawn. I can tell by the slight shadows underneath his hazel eyes that he took a catnap in the back. I wish we could all take a real nap, but as soon as we put our shit in our rooms, it’s go time.

Sean pats Ash on the back. “You excited for tonight, bro?” Sean wiggles his eyebrows. I can’t help the crease I feel form in between my brows. Ash seems to pale a little, and I wonder what’s up. Ash doesn’t keep shit from me, so I’m probably overreacting.

“I’m always excited for a live show,” Ash replies. But his voice is strained, and I can tell by the way he looks at Sean that he doesn’t want to talk.

What is going on? I feel the hairs all over my body rise as the feeling of something heavy drops in my stomach. I hope I’m making things up, but something tells me I’m not. Something’s up, and Ash hasn’t told me what it is.

I stare at Ash while we exit the bus, but I don’t say anything. I can’t question him in front of the others. Unfortunately, I won’t have him alone again for a while, either. Great. I’m going to go through this entire day with anxiety boiling in my veins.

Mike leads the way to our rooms alongside the manager of the hotel. This time, it’s an elderly Black woman with a kind smile and not a single hair out of place. She beams at us in a maternal way that has me missing my own mother. I make a mental note to try and call her and Dad later.

One of our bodyguards, Jim, watches us from the side as Mike watches the front. The other guard, Evan, guards from the back. The others are joking around and getting hyped for the show, but Ash stares at his boots as we walk. He only does that when he feels bad about something. There’s no way I’m making this up. But we were so normal earlier. He was even more risky than usual.

My head swims with thousands ofwhat-ifsas we load onto two separate elevators up to the top floor with one guard in each. I’m in the same elevator as Jim, Sean, Trish, and Brian. Ash went with Mike, Evan, and the hotel manager.

Our elevator arrives first, and we follow Jim to the left to our set of rooms. Unable to help myself, I peek down the opposite hallway and wonder who has the other rooms. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to being part of the “famous” crowd, meeting celebrities and people of power frequently as we tour and go to award shows. I still feel like the nineteen-year-old misfit who lived in his parents’ house and stayed up too late banging on the drums. The first time I met Billie Joe Armstrong, I almost shit myself, and the same thing happened the other two times after that–and I pissed myself a little bit when I met Tom Petty a couple of years before he passed away. Starstruck didn’t even begin to cover what I’d felt.

The other elevator arrives a few seconds later. As usual, the manager sees us to our rooms and makes sure everything is in order before leaving us alone.

“Sean and Drew?” she questions. We raise our hands like we’re on a third-grade field trip and we’re each other’s assigned buddies so we don’t get lost. She smiles a perfectly glossed smile. “You two are at the end. I’ll take you there. Mike, the other rooms are right after the elevators. You’re sure you don’t mind staying on the floor down below?” She gives Mike a gentle smile. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t get you all in one place.”

Mike waves her off and even smiles. “You kidding? I’m looking forward to a night away from these hooligans.” He says it with his thick country accent that’s heightened ever since we arrived in Texas, and winks at the manager.

The manager leads Sean and me down the hallway. The plush carpets are navy blue with a golden geometric pattern, and the beige walls are precisely decorated with chrome wall sconces. Despite the lack of decor, the hotel smells like it’s thoroughly cleaned, and often, and I appreciate that.

She stops by the last two doors at the end of the hall. Our doors are across from one another, and I make the decision to ask Sean why Ash is acting weird as soon as she leaves. I don’t like talking about my best friend behind his back, but I don’t want to spend the day walking on eggshells, either.

“You both have the best rooms in the hotel. Just don’t tell the others.” The manager curves her lips into a mischievous grin. “Nothing beats the view from these rooms. Please let me know if you need anything.” She passes us our keycards and then saunters off.

Sean moves to slide his card into the security lock, but I catch him by the arm before he can slide it in all the way.

“What’s up, man?” Sean asks. He’s still high from his edible, and he smells like he needs a shower, but that’s not unusual. His eyes bug out a little bit at my hand on his arm.

I take a breath to steady myself. To make my voice sound neutral and not full of worry. “What was with Ash on the bus? Is he okay?”

We can barely see the others from where we stand. I see Trish go into her room, but no one else.

“Huh?” Sean asks, arching a bushy brow. It takes him a minute to figure out what I’m asking. “Oh, you mean about tonight?”

I give him a curt nod.

He chuckles as if it’s nothing. “Lizette’s meeting up with us after the show is all. I dunno why he acted weird. You’d think he’d be excited to pop the question.” Sean shrugs and slides his card into the lock. “Maybe he’s just nervous about it?” Sean shrugs and then enters his room and closes the door in my face without another word.

My temper rises instantly and my cheeks heat. I walk into my own room and all but slam the heavy door.

The manager was right. My corner room is surrounded by floor-to-ceiling windows which show me the gorgeous city down below. Despite the view, all I want to do is throw something heavy out of the window and scream.

I’m no fucking idiot, and Ash knows that. Which means he doesn’t have the balls to tell me what’s up for himself. We’ve fought about his and Lizette’s relationship countless times.

Tonight, my worst nightmare will manifest into reality.

After ten years of living in the shadows with Ash, he’s going to rip it all apart.

Everything we’ve built together.

Everything we’ve shared.

All of it.

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