Page 16 of A Gentleman's Wife

Chapter Eight

They were back in the carriage, but Marianne didn’t mind this time. Though the ride to Hertfordshire had been lengthy and arduous, this short jaunt to the village church was only necessary due to rain. It seemed poor weather often made her crippled arm sore and tired, but she preferred not to add cold and wet to her list of suffering. And it wasn’t even her wedding day to worry over, but she did worry.

She’d briefly met the other women of the party connected to Thomas’s friends. The bride to be, Emma Follett, was a beauty and very personable. Then she’d met the nobility, and Marianne wanted to hate her husband for not preparing her better for such an introduction. The Duchess of Norland did not stand quite as tall as Emma, but she demonstrated her standing in society without being overbearing. And the young Miss Emily Clay, the duke’s ward, was a quiet girl, but she had a warm smile all the same. Marianne wondered how they would treat her once they knew of her difficulties, if they would fall more in line with her family or more in line with Thomas, though she hoped the latter.

“Don’t worry for the rain, dear,” the duchess had told the bride before they all departed. “They say it’s good luck to have rain on your wedding day.”

Emma had not seemed bothered by it, but Marianne’s own concern grew as the carriage pulled away. For she was once again alone with her husband, Eliza remaining behind with the rest of the housemaids and staff at Claremont Hall.

The muscles in Marianne’s hand had already grown stiff, curling inward no matter how hard she resisted. She only hoped she could hide it enough, try to look natural without drawing attention away from the bride and groom. She had gone to church many times with a cramped arm, much to her parents’ dismay, but she’d always had Eliza by her side in case the worst happened.

What if it happened now? Her poor husband, caught completely by surprise as she ruined his friend’s special day by convulsing on the floor of the church?

She tried not to think of the possibility, hoping she didn’t will her fears into existence. Marianne dared a glance at Thomas seated across from her, but his gaze was lost to the passing countryside as rain streaked the windows. Deep circles hung under his eyes, and his lips were set in an apathetic line. Perhaps he hadn’t slept well after their travels the day before, so she could not burden him with the truth of her circumstances now.

The carriage came to a stop, and a moment later, the door opened revealing a footman with an umbrella in front of the church. Thomas stepped out first, retrieved the umbrella, and held out his left hand for her to take.

Marianne swallowed hard, not wanting to make the situation of the rain more difficult, so she paused, and he looked up at her. “Are you all right?”

“Would you mind terribly standing on the other side?” she asked, wishing her voice more confident than it was.

It only took him a moment to understand before he nodded. “Of course.” Then swapping the umbrella into his left hand, he stepped to the other side of the carriage door and held out his right hand.

Now Marianne was able to take the support he offered and still remain covered by the umbrella, making her descent from the carriage look natural, instead of like a messy dance.

He led her toward the chapel as the rain puddled into the flowerbeds by the stone walkway.

“I promise I will someday remember your needs without a second thought. I do not wish for you to feel like a burden simply because I am a forgetful lout, for you are anything but.”

She could never think such things of him. “Please do not trouble yourself over it. You’ve arguably done more to see me served and welcomed than anyone. I am forever in your debt, sir.”

Once they were under the coverage of the church awning, Thomas handed his umbrella to the attendant. He covered her hand nestled in the crook of his arm, which made her look up in shock at the intimate touch. An unfamiliar warmth spread inside her chest and found its way to her cheeks as she met his soft gaze, brown eyes dark and cloudy but somehow still inviting.

“There is no running tally of debt. I am your husband, and it is our mutual responsibility to care for and look after each other. I will learn my part in how to best support you, and one day, it will come as naturally to me as breathing.”

The naturalness of breathing seemed forgotten at that moment, for his words had robbed her of the ability to take air into her lungs. He spoke such tender words, and with a look of reassurance in his eyes, it sent her heart flipping unfamiliarly in her chest. The pounding brought emotions to her eyes, and she cast her gaze downward. “You are very kind, sir.”

His finger gently touched her chin, lifting her to face him again. “You deserve every kindness and then some,” he whispered.

Before a tear could escape her eyes, Marianne simply nodded and turned, indicating her desire to go into the chapel and forget the conversation had ever happened.

But she would never forget. The moment Thomas had just shared with her in the Hertfordshire chapel foyer would forever be imprinted in her mind, for it was the beginning of a new emotion that had taken root in her heart.

He’d spoken of caring for each other as husband and wife, and she understood that in the most basic of terms. Regardless of compatibility, upon marriage in their current society, one entered into a life partnership which included financial stability, platonic companionship, and even fidelity, if one was lucky. It’s what Marianne had anticipated for her own marriage, and she had no hope for anything beyond.

Until Thomas had spoken those sweet words, casting a spell over her love-starved heart.

The sensation of feeling such affection was entirely new and foreign to her. This was beyond gratitude and simple thoughtfulness. She now cared for him in a way that surprised her. And learning that she now desired this same emotion from him caused an upheaval of confusion. She had no business wishing for love from her husband, not when he’d already treated her with such compassion. He might say she deserved every kindness, but surely, he did not mean anything beyond.

The revelation left her silent as she sat in the pew beside him, heart pounding in a way that she feared it would beat right out of her chest. As they waited for the ceremony to begin, she dared a glance at her husband. He was a handsome man, and it did not require any great stretch of the imagination to consider him attractive. There was also the kindness in his eyes and a peacefulness to his presence. She was a lucky woman that he treated his wife with such respect. But somehow, all of a sudden, she wanted more than respect. She wanted admiration and affection and… love. A word she’d never dreamed of for herself in her twenty-five years. She tried to shove the desire away, but it remained, growing large and warm in her chest. And she wanted it from Thomas.

When the vicar stood at the head of the chapel, everyone in the congregation rose to their feet as the bride entered at the back of the room. Marianne turned back to see Emma, smiling widely as her father escorted her to the front, where her future husband was waiting for her.

Once they were seated and the ceremony began, Marianne thought back to her own wedding just weeks before. Her memory of it was fraught with anxiety and fear when it should have been seen as the beginning of the rest of her life: escape from a history of maltreatment and despair, and headed toward the light and happiness of Primrose House. With a husband who was determined to make sure she didn’t feel like a burden.

Glancing at him from the corner of her eye, he still looked tired, but there was also another emotion there on his face. Was it sorrow? Longing? Did he see this wedding ceremony and share the new desires that Marianne now felt? She didn’t want to give herself such hope, for she was certain it was the last thing he would feel for her, especially if he knew the truth.

Whatever lighthearted joy she’d been feeling turned her stomach sour with guilt. Her father’s words came back to her mind with a vengeance:under no circumstances are you to reveal your illness.Not only had she shackled Thomas to a woman with only one serviceable hand, but a woman who could humiliate him at any moment. She’d deceived him, allowing him to sign that marriage contract without full knowledge of her health and situation. He’d taken the news of her faulty hand in stride, but to capture him in marriage without the knowledge of her epilepsy… he would never forgive her. Let alone love her.

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