Page 36 of The Two of Us

“Enough about me and my drama. What’s it like being a fancy businesswoman in the Big Apple?” he smirks.

I motion to the bartender for another beer. “It has its pros and cons, like anywhere else. I love that there’s always something new to experience and the feeling of getting lost in the crowd. But I’ll never get used to the smell of piss in the subways or the prehistoric-size rats.”

“You do something with computers, right?”

I never told him that. He clears his throat at my surprise. “Laura may have mentioned it in passing.”

I nod. “I do web design. Basically, I help a lot of companies look more professional in the internet world. It wasn’t something I saw myself doing. But when I… missed high school graduation, I spent a lot of time distracting myself on my computer before fall semester began.”

A cloud of silence falls over us and all the things we leave unsaid. Ambrose graciously shifts our conversation toward topics that won’t overlap with the time frame of my senior year. I ask him what the deal is about businesses going under in Speck, he tells me it’s a result of too many people moving out and not enough moving in. When I mention lending some of my web design skills to small businesses free of charge, he looks at me like he’s surprised I’d further involve myself with the people here. And by the time we close out our tab and thank Lorenzo for the free drinks, it’s a quarter past ten. It’s a long time to have hung out at a bar, but Ambrose wanted to make sure he was completely sober before driving.

Ambrose rolls into my driveway, pulling the keys from the ignition, the overhead light clicking off as we sit in the dark.

“Thanks for the ride.”

“Anytime.”

I turn to get out of the car.

“Hey, Mar?”

Time stops. “Yeah?” I whisper.

The car is too dark to make out the look on Ambrose’s face and the only sound filling the space is from our shallow breathing. My logic center is shaky in my inebriated state, and I want so badly for him to kiss me. As if he reads my mind, Ambrose leans across the console, his face stopping only an inch from mine. His breath is a mix of whiskey and mint, and my heart rate accelerates. His hand sweeps past my head, behind me, and just when I expect his fingers to tangle themselves in my hair, I hear the click of a door lock.

“The lock gets jammed sometimes. It should work now.”

He returns to his side of the car and I deflate like a popped balloon.

“Right. Thanks,” I mutter, getting out.

“Good night, Mara.”

“Good night, Ambrose.”

Once I’m in my room, I groan into my pillow and call my only friend. She answers on the first ring.

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t my long-lost best friend.”

“Tally, what the hell am I doing?”

She snorts. “I know that I’m your all-knowing, wiser, better half, but you’re going to need to give me more context than that.”

“What am I doing spending time with the only guy I’ve ever loved and the only person who happens to be the biggest reminder of the worst night of my life?”

Tally goes quiet, which is extremely unlike her. But then again, she isn’t used to me divulging my secrets. I blame the alcohol. “Babe… I don’t know much about your situation. The only times you’ve given me any sort of insight into your past life is when you’re drunk off your ass. All I can say is, if something or someone is giving you some semblance of joy, don’t throw that away.”

I don’t deserve her. “I love you, Tal. I miss the shit out of you.”

“I miss you too. Now, I hate to leave you in your time of need, but I told Jeremy I was going to sleep early to avoid tasting his new chard stew recipe and I don’t want him to hear me.”

I chuckle. “I will never understand you two.”

“You will once you’ve had the best sex of your life.”

“And that’s my cue. Good night, Tally.”

Tally’s voice suddenly turns serious. “Mara?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t throw it away.”

I clutch my pillow to my chest. “I’ll try.”

I really want to try.

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