Page 100 of The Two of Us

“Hi.” He smiles.

“How are you feeling? Can I get you anything? Do you want me to call Laura?”

His voice is groggy but still carries a degree of strength I’ve always loved him for. “No. I just want to look at you. I’m glad you’re here now, princessa.”

The tears are flowing freely down my face. He doesn’t remember that I’ve been here. That we’ve already spoken and laughed together. That reveals more about his current condition than anything else and I squeeze his hand tightly, as if the gesture is the only thing necessary to keep him tethered to this world.

“I’m glad I’m here too, Daddy. I’m sorry it took me so long.”

“Better late than never. For everything, Mara.”

My hands shake. Does he know about Ambrose and me? How could he? He must share the same omniscient abilities as Alima.

“I think I’ve ruined it with him. Again.”

The sigh he releases reminds me of when I was a little girl and it sparks a new wave of tears. Now that they have started, I can’t stop them. “Why won’t you let him love you?”

I shake my head forcefully. “There’s too much pain and I… I don’t want to feel it all. The last time I did, it broke me.”

My dad’s voice is scratchy as he tries to respond, so I grab the cup of water on his bedside and slip the straw into his mouth. After a few sips, he gathers his energy to continue. “It didn’t break you, Mara. It changed you. There’s a difference. You’ve always felt things so deeply, ever since you were a little girl. It’s one of my favorite things about you. I know your mom tried to teach you to hold it all in. It’s how she was raised. But we need to stop that cycle here. With you. Because feeling deeply isn’t a curse. It’s a gift.”

I’m soaking his pillow with the tears I’ve kept hostage inside for years.

“Mara,” my dad whispers, laying his fragile hand on mine. “Be grateful. Love is the best thing that can come from pain like that.”

I shudder out a long breath and it’s like someone’s taken a match to the ice that was frozen around my heart. The innermost parts of me thaw and the warmth that claws its way out reminds me of the summers Ambrose, Cat, and I used to spend together.

A pained thought tickles at my brain. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I had nothing to give you during this time. I’ve been pouring from an empty cup.”

“You’ve given me the best thing a father could ask for.”

I lean back, searching his face. “What?”

“You gave me a daughter who loved me.”

Sobs rack my body and his voice is gentle when he says, “Can I ask something of you, princessa?”

“Anything, Dad.” I sniff. I would do anything for him in this moment, I realize. But his request is simple.

“Watch a movie with me.”

I smile so wide, my jaw feels stretched. Salty tears fall into my mouth as I reach for my laptop. “What should we watch?”

“Princess Bride. It’s one of my favorites.”

My smile is watery. “Since when?”

“Since it became one of your favorites.”

My chest cracks open and I can swear people hear the sound from miles away. I lift my dad’s comforter and join him underneath. Otso doesn’t hesitate to snuggle between us. I grab hold of one of his paws for comfort. More for mine than his. Leaning forward, I kiss the top of my dad’s brow.

“As you wish.”

***

My dad dies on a Wednesday. The day we praise for getting us halfway through the workweek. Hump Day. I never gave too much thought to the exact day he’d leave this world. I stopped thinking so intricately about loss when Cat died. But when it happens, I know I’ll look at Wednesdays differently for the rest of my life. I’ll hate them just a little. Just for him. He deserves that much.

I believe that wherever my dad ends up, Cat is there waiting for him. She’ll greet him with her arms open wide and insist on giving him the grand tour. They’re each other’s keepers now.

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