Page 64 of All That Lies Between Us

ADDISON

He sits there for a few moments, staring blankly at me. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked. I don’t know if it crosses some imaginary line into the none-of-my-damn-business zone, but I figure we’re kind of past that.

“The night before you and I met, Emily told me she and her doctor had decided to no longer pursue treatment. She wanted to spend the time she had left enjoying life rather than sick and miserable from the treatment, especially since it was no longer working. And when I got called away from you, she was hospitalized for dehydration.”

He reaches out to grab my hand. His is shaky, his touch uncertain, and it cracks my heart right in two. We both watch as he laces his fingers with mine and slowly rubs his thumb over my knuckle. It reminds me of when we sat together on the porch of the cabin.

Then, my only concern was having fun and living life. I had no idea Chase was fighting so many demons—but the signs were all there.

Moments of our time spent together suddenly click into place. The sadness that clung to him. The hesitation to enjoy himself. Part of me regrets having pushed him out of his boundaries and allowing this situation to even happen.I somehow became the villain in my own story.

“How much longer does she have?” I can barely croak out the words, mostly because I don’t want to know the answer.

Chase pulls his hand from mine and rubs it roughly over his face. The quiet stretches out over several heartbeats. Seconds keep ticking by to the point that when his voice fills the space again, I nearly jump.

“She has maybe two or three months,” he says brokenly.

Two or three months.

Less than a hundred days.

I immediately feel sick. How can this be real?

It’s hard to imagine that the Emily I’ve come to know is the same woman we’re talking about. With only months to live, she’s carrying herself with more dignity and strength than I can even on my best days.

The guilt feels heavy on my chest, like a cinder block weighing me down more and more by the minute. Tears prick my eyes, but I welcome the sting.

“And now I’m pregnant.” Even though it’s not the first time I’ve said those words, they still feel big and important as they hang in the air between us. “What am I going to do?”

Chase is silent and still beside me—way too still, staring off into the room as if I’m not right there with him. Heat reddens my cheeks, and my neck tightens, almost like an invisible noose has wrapped itself around me. With each passing moment of silence, it squeezes tighter, my breath becoming more and more ragged.

As if pulled by an invisible string, his head slowly swivels to me. His eyes are on me, but they’re so glazed over that I’m not even sure he’s really seeing me.

This is it. He’s going to tell me that he doesn’t want to be a part of the baby’s life. That he already has a family.

How can I ask him to make room for another?

I wiggle under his stare, deeply uncomfortable. The need to run hits me again, but I push it away and will myself to be strong. I don’t have any choice but to face this moment head-on, even as my heart constricts in fear and tears roll down my face.

“Chase. Please.” My voice is barely a whisper, but it’s full of every ounce of hope running through me. I don’t know what I’m begging him for. To accept me and the baby? To not turn us away? To assure me that even though all of this is completely screwed up, he’ll stand by my side and help me raise this child?

I fight against the silence, speaking up again. “I’d like for us to figure this out together. To be there for the baby—together—no matter what that looks like.”

Just as I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown, he smiles. It’s small, the right corner tipping up ever so slightly, with the left not far behind.

“You’re smiling. It’s kind of scary,” I say quietly, and he chuckles. The sound is deep and scratchy and so perfectly masculine that it causes another shiver to run through me. “You’re okay with this? You’re happy?”

“Fuck yes, I’m happy. Are you kidding me?” His eyes are wet and so intense they burn into me. “I was scared shitless you were going to turn me away and not let me be a part of its life.”

When he leans forward, just inches from my face, I can smell the coffee and syrup still clinging to his breath. The combination shouldn’t affect me, but for some reason, it lights me on fire. I want so badly to crawl into his lap and feel his strong arms wrap around me. I want to lock my lips to his and not pull away until he’s as completely lost in me as I am in him.

“The best day of my life was when Willow’s adoption went through. When she became mine, it was like this black cloud lifted off my shoulders. Like no matter what happened with Emily, Willow would always be mine, and I knew I would love and protect her until my last dying breath. I love that role. I cherish it. It’s the greatest thing I’ve ever done, and I’m so damn grateful to be given the opportunity to do it all over again.”

He trails one hand slowly up my arm and holds lightly to the bend of my elbow. I look down at it, at the beautiful way its roughness engulfs my softness, and I find myself leaning into him, like an unseen force is urging me closer.

“I don’t know what this means for us,” I mutter.

His hand is on my face now, his palm caressing my cheek, his fingers playing with the loose strands of my hair. His other arm reaches around my waist, grabbing a fistful of my shirt to give him leverage to pull me closer to him.

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