Page 30 of Last Chance

I thinkmy chin just hit the floor, even though my heart is jumping out of my chest. She’s pregnant. Ali’s having a baby. My hazel eyes find her emerald green ones. I don’t need to ask; I doubt she’d be telling me if it was Christian’s and not mine, but my eyes search hers none-the-less. A familiar pinkish glow covers her cheeks as the corners of her mouth twist up into a smile and she nods, but looks a little lost. I’m not asking her to spell this out. Double standards or not, the fact that she was even with that bell-end Christian still makes my skin crawl.

“Christian was always very, erm, particular about protection.” Her smile is awkward, and I have to hold my tongue from saying ‘my bad’ I was so desperate to get inside of her I didn’t even think to ask if she was on the pill or not. I certainly didn’t think of covering myself up in a condom. Being a rock star turns you into that sort of entitled wanker who just presumes girls will sort that. And anyway, I needed to feel close to her, close with no barriers. She must have done too because she never told me not to.

We are having a baby. Me and her. Her and me. My head’s spinning. I knew we had a connection; I have been pining for her for so long, I knew there was something, something we always had but this. This is something I was never expecting.

“I’ve actually booked into a private hospital for the first scan. Just the first one.” I hear her say, she’s been talking this whole time, I’ve got no idea what she’s said, what she’s told me. I need to listen. Snap out of my crazy mind train.

“No, all of them. I’ll pay,” I tell her quickly, I don’t know how much I can give her, I don’t know how much she’ll want me to give her but at least I can afford anything she needs.

“I’m not asking you to do that.”

“No, but I’m telling you I will. Ali, I’m all in. I don’t know much about babies. Hell, I don’t know much about anything apart from how to scream into a microphone but I want this. This is our shot.” My voice is confident, I actually feel it. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted, she’s exactly what I need and together we’re going to bring a little life into this world.

“Our shot at what exactly? What exactly do you think this baby means.”

“It means me and you? We made love, Ali, and out of that love came a baby. If that’s not fate, I don’t know what is.” Mr cocky rock star voice is back, and I don’t think I’m sad about that.

“Max, have you ever made love in your life?” She’s challenging me the same way she always has done when she was my manager.

“I did to you. We did.” My voice is a statement, a statement I don’t want her to challenge.

I took my fingers into hers and looked into her beautiful lost searching green eyes. She squeezes my hand before letting go.

“Max, are you sure? Sure, you want to give all that up? The lifestyle, the tours, the groupies. In exchange for dirty nappies and sleepless nights?”

“Ali, I told you before that I came back to find you, to tell you I wanted this. Me and you, even if I wasn’t sure it was what you wanted, I needed you to know how I feel. There is nothing I want more than to be the man who holds your hand, who sleeps with you by his side, who watches your triumphs. I want you. I want us. I want to grow up with you by my side, looking back and laughing at the stupid crazy times we had, at my ridiculousness. I want to be the man who embarrasses you at the school gates by turning up rain or shine in my Slipknot t-shirt and tatty converse. I want to be the guy you tut at whilst I play sword fights in the DIY store with wallpaper whilst you are trying to organise something serious. I want to be there for your every things, Ali. You, me, and the one hundred and two little rug rats we’re going to make.”

Her body stiffens but her soft ruby lips have twisted into a gorgeous shy smile.

“One hundred and two?” she asks, green eyes wide and searching me for some certainty, some reassurance. I hope I give it in my smile as I nod.

“At least one hundred and two. Angel, there is nothing I want more than me and you. This is our shot.” She smiles again but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. I know she’s nervous, apprehensive. Hell, I would be if I was her. I’m a risk. I’m not a sure thing for anything but I know I want her more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life and I’ll fight with fire to keep her.

“Max.” Her warning voice is back and fuck me I hate it. “Max, we need to take baby steps here. We’ve not even been on a date; we don’t know if we work as a couple let alone as parents. We need to discover how to be real with each other before we rush into anything. This tiny life is going to bond us for life, Max, regardless of our relationship.”

“Well, let me take you on one.” My voice is sounding a lot more confident than I actually feel right now.

“Take me on what?”

“A date,” I say, voice full of conviction, trying to study her face for any sign of apprehension. “Tomorrow?”

“I have my first scan tomorrow, at four o’ clock.” Her eyes look to me, what for at this point I’m not sure because I am so head over heels for her, our baby, and this plan that I don’t think there’s anything I wouldn’t give her right now.

“What about if I took you out for lunch? And then I get a car to take us both to the hospital? I mean if you’re happy for me to come with you that is?”

“Max, of course, I want you to come with me. It’s your baby as much as it’s mine but as for a date. Dating? That doesn’t sound like baby steps.”

“Yeah, it does,” I assure her with my best, honest, wide-boy grin.

“And besides, if you haven’t forgotten there isn’t anywhere in this city, we can go that the world’s press won’t want to know about. Especially being seen with me when it’s public knowledge I’m no longer your manager.”

“Ali, one, we both know there are discreet places even in this city we can go without detection, and two, I couldn’t give a fuck if they do see. See my heart in my eyes when I look at you, desperate for you to see me too. To want to kiss me as hard and as fast and then as soft and as slow and savouring as I want to kiss you. Ali, please?”

She looks hesitant, she looks as if she wants to say something, to argue. But she stills, her cheeks flush a little pink and then she nods.

And that little nod is all I need. She’s letting me in, I just need to not fuck this up.

---