Page 14 of Last Chance

I passAli a glass of red, trying to ignore my shaking hand as I pour myself a glass of elderflower cordial. Fucking elderflower, who the fuck even am I? Ali’s eyes follow me around the kitchen, stopping at the glass in my hand.

“You’re not drinking at all now then?” She muses as she studies me standing in the kitchen, it’s spotless. My whole house is. I have a housekeeper, but I literally followed her around hoovering behind her today. I didn’t want to give Ali any ammo that I might not be okay.

That and I needed anything to distract me from her coming over tonight.

“Not, not at all. But not as much, no.” I’m not going to lie and tell her I’m clean because I’m not. I still like a drink; I’d still have a joint if it was passed to me but like fuck am I ever going near heroin again.

“And, err, what about your other extra curriculars?”

“Jeez, Ali, get straight to the point, I would.”

She smirks and she puts her glass down on my kitchen island a lot harder than I’d have liked. I look into her emerald eyes, the speckles of black dancing in the dull light of my kitchen and I get that feeling of loss again.

“But in answer. No. I’m refraining from a lot in my life right now.”

She looks like she wants to smile at me but she can’t bring herself to.

I exhale loudly, breathing out a sigh. Hoping I’m brave enough to say what I really want while I have the chance.

“Refraining from a lot?”

“Yeah.” I nod. Hoping I don’t have to spell out to her that since I kissed her lips in San Diego my dicks not even had the want to look at a woman, let alone a chance.

“What I did was stupid—” I open my mouth to keep talking but she cuts me dead.

“No, Max. What I did, daring to think that if I told you how I felt the world would somehow revert on its axis and spin for us. That was stupid. What you did was absolutely moronic.”

Fuck.I know we had to talk about it eventually, but I wasn’t expecting it this quickly, I suppose the manager in her has taught her to cut the crap. God knows she’s asked me to do it enough times.

“Did you really want to hurt Cassy that badly? For daring to be in love with your best friend?”

I don’t know if I have an answer to that one. Never in my wildest nightmares would I ever hurt a hair on my sister’s head. But in that moment? I was so uncontrollably angry. I didn’t think, I wasn’t rash. I’m normally a fixer and I couldn’t fix what was in front of me. I couldn’t control it so I tried to run from it. To break free.

And I know how that sounds. But I wasn’t trying to kill myself like most of the therapists I saw before Donna presumed I was. I did what all rock stars did. I got fucked up off my face and I was stupid and mad enough to get behind the wheel of the nearest vehicle.

“Or was it you that you were trying to run away from Max?”

Her words hit me like a train. Without hesitation I reach for her. Needing comfort, needing human companionship and soft skin so I know I’m alive. It’s far more than I deserve. She pushes my hand back to my side, her perfectly manicured talons singeing my skin.

“No, Max.”

“Ali, please,” I beg her, my voice a plea. Hers softens from its previous snap.

“No. Let’s just leave it okay.” She cuts me dead. I don’t know what to say. Words are failing me, and they don’t very often, that over-whelming feeling is back, like the walls are caving in. I watch Ali walk to the sofa; my apartment is open-plan. You can see the kitchen from the living room, I’ve always liked it. Her eyes look around the room, she’s been here plenty of times before. Her heels clack on my wooden floor before she sits down.

I stay where I am, looking at her like some sort of stalker. A smile crosses her cheeks.

“You know you’re the only one who calls me that?”

“What?”

“Ali.” She raises her eyebrows at me, and I can’t help the shy smirk that covers my lips.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Why?” she questions me, her eyes drilling into me. My throats dry, I sip the strange cordial in my glass.

“Just always thought it suits you. It’s softer. More personal.”

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