Page 68 of Baby Heal the Pain

“So I had him on his knees in that bar, his hands in the air,” Evan continued. “He was a little out of it from me slamming him into the wall to subdue him. And suddenly all I could see were those bruises on my sister’s back. And I realized how they’d gotten there.” He frowned at me. “I can see it in your face. You know it, too. She’d fallen to the ground and curled into the fetal position to protect herself, and that fucking monster had kicked her, with his shoes on. In that moment, I decided to be judge, jury, and executioner. I went for his unprotected gut first. After he keeled over, I walked behind him, aimed my booted foot for his lower spine, and prayed I would get the angle just right to paralyze the fucker.”

Now I understood Evan’s fear and self-loathing, his walking away from the police force. He’d glimpsed a monster inside himself and had refused to give it the protection of a badge.

I stroked his cheek. “You didn’t do it, did you? You didn’t kick him. You didn’t shoot him, either.”

“God, I wanted to put a bullet in the back of his skull.”

“But you didn’t do that, either.”

He stilled my hand, then pulled away from me so we were no longer touching. “Only because Kerri begged me to stop. Of the other witnesses, the only sober one was the bartender, and he said he would swear under oath the guy was making threats and looked like he was hiding a gun.”

I nodded, comprehension dawning on me. “That’s why you were pretty sure you could have gotten away with it, but you stopped for Kerri’s sake.”

He nodded.

“And you were there in the first place because of Kerri, because she’d been in danger like she’d been in the past, but this time she was brave enough to call you for help.”

“None of this is her fault,” he said.

“I know, I’m just getting the facts straight.” I stared down at my hands, the ones that had held Kessler’s life in them hours earlier. “You know how I’ve said I’m different from the rest of the team. Separate?”

“Your team thinks—”

I pressed a finger to his lips. “Hear me out. I know how they feel about me, and that’s how I feel about them. But it’s not my imagination. There is a distance there, and that’s a good thing. If that had been one of my parents or cousins, I wouldn’t want to make in-the-moment, life-and-death decisions for them. I would, of course, if there were no choice, but when you’re working on pure emotion, there’s too much room for error.”

“You feel plenty of emotion for your teammates.”

I nodded. “I absolutely do. Enough to propel me to do wild things like crawl through an underground tunnel or run into a building before it’s been secured when I’ve thought one of them might die. But there’s still enough room for logic, the logic I need to make the right calls. I think it must be the same for cops. I mean, I’m sure there are rules against responding to a call involving a close loved one.”

“Technically, it shouldn’t happen.”

“With good reason. Too much emotion blocks out space for logic. That doesn’t make you illogical or violent or an uncontrollable threat. It makes you human.”

He took my hand. “Thank you for saying that, but—”

“No. No buts. You’ve told me your truth. Now I want you to hear me.”

“Samantha, are you here?” Derek’s voice called from the hallway, interrupting us. “Oh my God, there you are!” Derek practically ran into the waiting room with Chase right behind him. “We came straight from the airport.” Derek lifted me off the couch and hugged me. “Thank you Samantha. Thank you, thank you, thank you for saving her.”

Evan stood and shook Chase’s hand, and the two stood watching the spectacle of Derek nearly killing me with gratitude, or at least coming close to fracturing a rib.

“You’re welcome, and you can put me down now,” I told Derek.

“Of course.” He did so, then pushed his dark hair out of his eyes and seemed to collect himself. He turned to Evan. “Prescott, good to see you again. I understand I owe you a debt of gratitude as well.”

Evan held up his hands. “No need to sweep me off my feet over it.”

“Understood.” Derek grinned at me. “I like him.”

I liked him too. I so much more than liked him, but as the Wilder brothers took over the room and announced that the team was on its way to join us, I didn’t get to tell Evan that, either. From the look on his face, he needed to hear it very, very soon.

“This conversation isn’t over,” I said to him.

He smiled and kissed my hand. “I’m going to track down Kerri and check on Bennet. Text me if Kessler comes out of surgery while I’m gone.”

“Gone” was the operative word, because after all we’d been through this past week, our quiet conversation in a hospital waiting room seemed to be the one thing that could spook him. I had the distinct impression that Evan Prescott was going to run away from me.

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