Page 26 of Cold

He sat down. “It doesn’t matter. Eat your food.”

I wanted to ask him more, but Vito gave me one of those looks that made a shiver run down my spine. He wasn’t in the mood to talk about it. But I couldn’t hide the curiosity that plagued me now. What had caused a man like Vito to understand what I was going through?

I stared at him the entire time we ate. Every once in a while, he looked up at me before he quickly glanced away again. But I couldn’t stop staring. I wanted to figure out who Vito was.

“Are you done eating?” he asked as he stood up. “And staring?”

I nodded. “Yes, it was good.”

Vito nodded and carried away the plate. I picked up the things he’d bought for me and found a pacifier with an orange cat on it. Smiling, I carried it over to the sink and opened it. After I washed it off, I popped it into my mouth and my shoulders dropped.

Instant relief flooded me. It felt too good. As I sucked on the pacifier, it soothed away all the panic I felt and the uncertainty and fear from the night before. In its place, I was comforted.

The little black cat in the bag was quickly gathered into my arms along with Mr. Whiskers. I walked into the living room and there was Vito. He sat on his chair, the remote in his hand, and a drink in the other.

Maybe that’s what makes him feel better.

He sat the glass down and I moved over to him. At first, he ignored me. But he eventually sighed, looked up at me, and raised a brow.

“What?”

I pushed my knee against his leg. I opened my mouth to ask if I could sit on his lap, just for a little while, but I hesitated. He might not think I was a freak because I enjoyed a pacifier but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t reject me.

I couldn't handle that.

“Speak, boy,” Vito growled. “Stop standing there and staring at me!”

I jumped. “Sorry,” I said as I pulled out the pacifier for a minute. “I, um, wanted to…to…”

God, I hated when I got tongue tied. I did so well with Sergei and only played at being soft and sweet and confused. But when I spoke to Vito? It was real! He turned my head into a jumbled mess.

I moved without allowing myself time to think and climbed into his lap. He grunted as I got comfortable, adjusting and readjusting, before I settled against him. I laid my head on his shoulder and buried my face into his neck as I suckled.

Please let me stay here. Just for a little while. I promise I won’t bother you for too long, but I need this right now.

Sergei had always let me fall apart when I got like this. The only comfort had been the other boys that Sergei kept. They would hug me, hold me, and tell me that everything was going to be alright. But as Vito wrapped his arms around me, I sank against him and gave in.

Maybe it was pity, but I would take any scrap of affection that I could get right now. I could pretend that someone wanted me. Not because they’d stolen or purchased me, but because I was just…there.

I nuzzled against him and closed my eyes. The scent of his cologne reminded me of my father’s cigars and a hint of vanilla. Sweet and strong. That’s what Vito smelled like.

I wrapped an arm around his neck and held onto him. My chest pressed against his, he felt warm and familiar and I had no idea why. I felt his heart beat against me and I wanted to go to sleep all curled up around him like I was right now.

Vito switched the channels and stopped on soft, jazz music. I looked at the TV and he took my head and pressed it back against his shoulder. I gave up and smiled behind the binkie as I clung to him.

My eyes watered. Why couldn’t I have this? It was all a dream that would come to a bloody and horrible end. And I would go home.

With Sergei.

Tears ran down my cheeks and I sucked in a shuddering breath. Everything inside of me felt raw and open, like I’d cut myself open and was exposed to blistering sun. I held onto Vito tighter as I sobbed stupid tears.

His hand ran up and down my back, but he stayed quiet. There was no lie that everything would be okay. And there was no demand that I stop sobbing. He bounced his legs up and down gently and tightened his grip around me.

I cried harder.

My shoulders shook and I let out all the frustration and pain that I’d swallowed down for years. By the time I was done, my nose was stuffy and my eyes were sore. But I felt different. I felt better.

Vito wiped away my tears gently, his calloused fingers swiping over my flesh. He reached over and I moved with him, not wanting to let him go. I watched as he plucked a tissue from its box and cleaned up my face before he gave it to me.

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