Page 53 of Win My Heart

Our kisses are more measured; there isn’t a need for rushing. It’s as if over the weeks we’ve realized we’ve got all the time in the world. But do we? Is this our life, holed up in my apartment? Are we a couple? How have I managed to not mention to my best friends that I’ve been hooking up with Wade for weeks? Well, kinda hooking up.

He lifts me into his lap, and I situate myself to where I’m straddling him. His hands are in my hair, and my glasses are knocked askew by his nose.

My thoughts starting to pull me out of the moment.

With a smile on his handsome face, he reaches up and adjusts my glasses.

I suck the corner of my lip between my teeth.

Tapping my forehead, he says, “Seems as if my girl’s thinking about something pretty hard right now.” He finger traces my lips.

I cock my head at his words.

“Your girl?” That’s a new one, and while I want to bask in it, ask him to repeat it so I can record it and make it my ringtone, I need to understand what’s going on here.

His face falls just a split second. “Well, I mean, you’re not mine, per se, but you’re on my lap at the moment.” He tries to laugh it off.

“The girls want to have a night out on Friday, all of us,” I say slowly. “Will I be your girl then? Or just when we’re alone on my couch?”

“Fuck, Bernie. Where is this coming from?” He scratches his jaw.

The fact that he uses my nickname makes me want to cringe. “I’m confused about what’s going on here. I just want to understand.”

I don’t want to ruin the night, so I add, “I just want us to be on the same page.” I toy with the hem of his shirt, trying to flirt my way through this.

He sighs and places both of his hands on the outside of my thighs. “Are you having fun?”

“Of course I am.”

“Me too. I want to keep having fun with you. Coming here after a long day at work is starting to be my favorite part of the week.” He gives me a sexy smirk.

I smile, but I’m still confused. “I guess I want to understand what it means to just have fun. Are you…?” I hesitate before finishing my question, not sure if I want to know the answer. “Are you having fun with anyone else?”

I hold my breath as his brows draw tight. “Of course not.”

I let out the breath slowly, relieved with his answer.

“You know me better than that. You know I wouldn’t do that.” His shoulders droop, I think I hurt his feelings with my question.

Placing my hands on the outside of his, needing to press pause. “Wade. You come hang out with me a couple times a week, and we fool around. We don’t go out. You say we’re just having fun, so don’t get mad when I ask if you’re seeing anyone else.” I shift to move off him, but his hands grip my thighs, keeping me in place.

“I’m a jerk, I know. You’re right. You’re absolutely right to ask. But I’m a one-woman guy.”

Still, I move off him, my butt falling onto the couch, my leg hanging over his lap. I chew on my lip, looking at his handsome face. I’m torn. What we had in LA was amazing. It was like a turning point in our relationship. But his desire to keep things fun really feels like a lack of commitment.

With any other guy, I wouldn’t put up with this, but it’s Wade.

It’s Wade.

And all those years ago, it felt like we were heading toward something great, but then suddenly, he wasn’t interested. I was too young, a gamer, not mature enough. Is that still the case?

“What’s going on in your head right now, Bernadette?” He reaches over and pulls my lip from between my teeth.

“Are you embarrassed by me?” I blurt out.

“What? Absolutely not. What the heck?” He shifts, turning toward me, grabbing my hands.

“Why would you think that?”

---