Page 9 of The Middle-Aged Virgin (The Middle-Aged Virgin 1)

‘It’s over.’

I did it.

I said it.

Fuck.

‘What the fuck, Sophia?’ snapped Rich, nostrils flaring. ‘What do you mean it’s over?’

As I stared into his hazel eyes, I started to ask myself the same question.

My mind went into a trance. You know how people who have a near-death experience say their lives flash past their eyes? Well, as soon as I’d said those two words, it was like my brain started playing a film of my life with Rich. When we’d first met at college, when we’d bumped into each other years later at a party and he’d asked me out for a drink, our first date at Browns in Covent Garden, our first kiss and how we’d moved in together literally months later. Then how supportive he was when I’d decided that after just a couple of years working in PR for other people, first at a fashion and beauty agency on the King’s Road and then in-house at L’Oréal, I wanted to take the plunge and go it alone. Ever since then, he’d been there cheering me on and supporting me, yet here I was fifteen years later, breaking his heart.

‘Earth to Sophia!’ screamed Rich, stomping his feet.

I snapped out of my thoughts. Rather than reminiscing, now would probably be a good time to start explaining myself.

‘Rich, I’m so, so, sorry. It’s just…I mean, you must know it’s not right. We’ve…’ Jeez. What the hell was wrong with me? I’d spoken at conferences in front of thousands of people, been interviewed live on national television, yet now I was finding it hard to string a sentence together. And tears?I know it’s difficult, but get it together.

I took a deep breath.

‘We’ve grown apart, Rich,’ I said, regaining my strength. ‘We don’t have that connection anymore. We’ve just let the relationship slide for too long. Gone past the point of no return. I’m sorry, but it’s over.’

Even though it felt like my heart was physically being ripped to pieces having to say those words to him, I took my own advice and stood there firmly in silence. No rambling, just quiet.

‘Why now?’ Rich replied, face contorting. ‘Where is this coming from? I know we’ve had our challenges in the past, but I thought we were fine.’

‘First of all,’ I said, crossing my arms awkwardly, ‘we’re both guilty of working too much. We don’t get to see each other as often as we should, and when we do, invariably we end up talking about work.’

‘Well, I’msosorry for trying to be a good listener,’ he said sarcastically. ‘I thought I was being a good boyfriend by always asking you how your day was every night when you got home from work and giving you time to get things off your chest.’

‘Yes, it’s true, youarea supportive boyfriend,’ I added. ‘I’m not disputing that. You’ve been there from the beginning, through thick and thin, and have always been a shoulder for me to cry on during the tough times when I was building the business. But as terrible as you may think it sounds, it’s not enough. “Fine” isn’t okay. I need more from my life.’

‘What do you mean, you needmore?’he said, frowning as he crossed his arms.

‘After what happened with Albert, I realised that I’m just existing, not living. We’re together because it’s easy. It’s convenient. It’s safe. Think about it, Rich.’ I paused, trying to gather my thoughts. ‘We’ve known each other since college—close to twenty-three years—and been together for fifteen. That’s alongtime, and yet we’re not married, we don’t have children, we don’t doanythingremotely fun together anymore. We’re more like brother and sister than boyfriend and girlfriend. I mean, be honest: when was the last time we had sex, or even had a proper kiss?’ I said, looking him straight in the eye.

‘Um…well…’ he muttered sheepishly as he looked down at the cream carpet. ‘I know it’s probably been a while, but come on, Soph, we’ve both had a lot on our plates.’

‘Yes, you’re right,’ I said, placing my hands on my hips, ‘but it’s more than that. We’ve just grown apart. We used to laugh and go out. Now on the rare occasions that we actually are together, we don’t do anything other than watch TV. We’ve become different people. I want to travel, you like staying at home. I love eating out and experimenting with food, you’d be happy to have steak and chips every day for the rest of your life. I want to have fun and experience new things and meet new people. Your idea of a good time is binge-watching multiple seasons ofGame of Thronesor playing games on your iPad in bed.’

‘It’s not playing games per se. It helps me relax and think strategically,’ he protested.

‘If that’s what floats your boat, Rich, that’s fine. But I don’t want to waste my life anymore. I owe it to myself to do more. Not because I’m being greedy, but because I’malive.I’m healthy, I’m successful, I’m lucky enough to have so many opportunities that other people would only dream of, but I’m not making the most of them, and that’s got to change.’

‘But we’ve been together for so long!’ he said, running his hands through his cropped brown hair. ‘Surely you don’t want to throw it all away, just like that? Let’s talk about it,’ he pleaded as he stepped forward and placed his hands on my shoulders. ‘Maybe we can cut back on work hours so we can spend more time together.’

‘Rich, I don’t think—’ I replied before he interrupted me.

‘I cantrythe travel thing if you want,’ he suggested. ‘As long as it’s not anywhere too hot. And I guess I’d be up for eating outoccasionally…I’m not one to experiment with exotic dishes, though, as I can’t afford to get food poisoning or take time off work, especially if we win this library pitch, but…I’ll try. Just tell me what you want me to do, and I’ll change!’ he said, now squeezing my shoulders and giving me his puppy-dog eyes. ‘I love you, Sophia, and I don’t want to lose you.’

Dammit. He’s pulling on my heart strings. I can feel my resolve weakening…

No. I had to trust my gut. As hard as it was, it was time for this chapter to end. I needed to move on. I knew it was the right thing to do. I had to stand firm.

‘Rich,’ I said, stepping back and removing his hands from my shoulders. ‘I love you too. I willalwayslove you, but like I said, it’s not enough.’

He paused as he glanced at the carpet once again. I sensed he was lost for words and trying to think of a solution.

---