Page 51 of Fragile Heart

CHAPTER20

Quinn

I faintly rememberHudson kissing my forehead before leaving this morning. I don’t know how he managed to pull himself out of bed after so few hours of sleep when I couldn’t even pry my eyes open to say goodbye. I was in a deep sleep. Partly because he was next to me—for a while, anyway. And partly because my body was exhausted from pleasure.

Hudson was gentle with me last night, but it felt like a whole new experience since it’s been so long. I was worried I would wake up feeling sad, like I put Kyle behind me or something. But it was just the opposite, actually. I woke up feeling happy. Happy that I’ve made the choice to live again. I know Kyle would want me to make sure I moved on with someone who made me feel special, and Hudson did just that. He made me feel beautiful last night, and I couldn’t have asked for a better way to ease myself back into being intimate with someone.

I let myself lounge around for so long that I'm almost running late by the time I leave my apartment for work. As soon as I walk through the door of the diner, Holly’s eyes find mine. I didn’t text her this morning because I knew we would see each other today, and I wanted to tell her everything in person.

The closer I get to her, the wider her eyes get until she pulls me into a corner.

“Oh my God, you slept with him!” she whisper-shouts at me, careful to make sure no customers hear.

“How could you possibly know that?” I ask, confused about this secret mind-reading power she’s been hiding from me.

“You have the glow,” she tells me, like it’s obvious.

“The glow?”

“Yeah, the post-sex glow. Tell me everything,” she demands.

I laugh. “I’m going to keep some details for myself, but it was amazing. Better than I could’ve imagined it would be.”

“Is he big?”

I playfully hit her shoulder. “Holly!”

“He’s huge, isn’t he?” If the blush on my face didn’t give it away, my lip biting definitely does. “I knew it!”

“Shhh.” I look around to make sure no one is looking at us, and she brings me in for a hug.

“I’m so happy for you, Quinn. I know the past few years haven’t been easy for you.” She pulls back to look at my face as I blink away tears. “You deserve so much happiness.”

“Thanks, Holl. He asked me to go to LA with him next weekend.”

“That’ll be so much fun. I’ll help you pack!” She has a giddy smile on her face.

“You think it’s a good idea?” I want to go, but I’m worried about how quickly I’m putting myself out there. I’ve really only known Hudson for a few months. What if we’re moving too fast?

“Uh, yeah. A trip to LA with a gorgeous man? Sign me up. Why do you look worried?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. You don’t think it’s too fast or anything?”

“He’s not proposing, Quinn. It’s a weekend getaway. I think you’ll have a blast and hopefully have lots of sex.” She always knows how to make me laugh. I put my stuff in the back and clock in for my shift, and she goes to check on her tables of waiting customers.

I get right to work pouring coffee and taking orders. I love being busy because it makes the day go by faster, but as I’m inputting another order of pancakes for table five, I start wondering why I want my days to go by so fast.

I’ve been working in this diner five days a week for the past four years with no future plans. Yeah, I’ve always kept the idea of opening my own bakery in the back of my mind, but I never thought I’d actually be able to do it. It was just something I talked about with Kyle. He’s the one who originally got me excited about it. We had a whole plan. I would open my own bakery, and he would work for the local newspaper. He loved writing and was so good at it. I kept most of his writing in a box in my closet and will pull it out to read it when I’m really missing him.

But when Kyle died, I just wanted everything to stay the same, just how he would remember it. Grief is a funny thing. Even after all these years, I still find myself waiting to see him walk through the door.

I know he would want more for me. I know because he told me so before he died. Once he got to a certain point, we knew he wouldn’t make it. He constantly told me to live my life and fulfill my dreams after he was gone.

I did the exact opposite.

I stayed still. Frozen in time.

Hudson has re-lit that spark in me, and I think I’m finally ready to do something about it. Maybe it’s because he talks about it with me and makes me feel like I can do anything. Or maybe because I want to be proud of myself. I don’t want to look back on my life and realize I wasted so much time because I was scared to change.

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