Page 81 of The Benefits of Love (As I Am 2)

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Zach

Iheard Laura say Iwas no one, even when Erin said she didn’tmind the idea of her having someone over.

As Isat in my office, late on the same Monday night, Imulled over the meaning of it all and the depressing turn my life had taken. For years I’dbeen okay with being that no one, as she said, since there’dbeen no one Icared about to want to change for.

Ididn’teven know Iwanted to be asomeoneuntil Imet Laura.

But as Iclimbed out her window, like we were having an affair to hide, Iwasher someone. Someone to be ashamed of and to hide, the complete opposite of what Ihad in mind when Ithought of her.

The four plus wine glasses Ihad at the brunch and then another bottle, or maybe two, at the bar blurred out most of the evening.

Almost everything, except the part that hurt the most. More than my parents’ jabs at me, more than my brother not sticking up for me, more than my sister-in-law’skind yet pitying looks.

Nothing hurt worse than Laura’shorrified expression when Italked about having children with her.

The scene replayed over and over in my head until Icouldn’tstand it anymore. Ishut down my laptop, and with my elbows on the table, buried my head in my hands, rubbing my forehead, praying to erase them.

Ihad to talk it out, or it would drive me straight to the insane asylum. Joel went home hours ago and we had an unspoken pact of giving each other space after hours, which Iintended to respect. Caitlyn deserved to be with her husband, especially during her pregnancy.

Thomas and Ihad no pact, although Inormally stuck to calling at decent hours, not this late at night. Ifelt so fucking lost that Ihad to at least try to get him to talk to me. Worst case, he’dtell me to fuck off. Best friends did that, and their best friends were okay with that. Iopened the FaceTime app and dialed.

“Da-da, daaaa-da.” Rowan’smumbling pulled me out of my own head.

With all the shit I’dbeen going through, Iforgot about Thomas’shabit of putting one of his kids on when Ivideo-called him to fuck with me.

Ilaughed at the sight of my adorable godson. “Ahh and adada to you too, dear sir.”

Anotherdadaand giggles filled my dark office from the other side of town. The baby’swhole face scrunched with pure happiness from absolutely nothing. He’dbeen the best thing I’dseen all day.

Iguessed Thomas had the night shift after Erin spent the day with them. They had an amazing partnership where one filled in for the other without even having to ask, without it being an issue. Ipondered over calling them the Symbiotics instead of the Cookes.

“Hold on,” Thomas’slow laugh echoed in the background while the picture on the phone changed to their ceiling. “I’mhere.” His eyebrows lowered on his head when he picked the phone up again, his man bun messier than usual. “You look like poop.”

“Thanks, you know how to win agirl’sheart.” Ibatted my eyelashes. “Is that your way of not saying the other word around the kids?”

“Yes, but stop deflecting.” He narrowed his eyes and leaned closer. “And you’re still at the office, at eleven.”

Iplayed along with his poop game. “I’malways here at eleven. And Ilook like poop because Ifeel like poop.”

“You never feel like poop from work.” His gaze turned to the side, making asilly face to the babies and then back to me. “You maylooklike poop sometimes…”

“Gee, thanks again.” Irolled my eyes.

“…but you thrive on it. You never look this…”

“I’mbegging you, man, lay off the poop talk.”

He pulled his lips in his mouth, suppressing alaugh. “You never look this mentally exhausted. Got something on your mind?”

Idid. Ihad so much on my mind that it’dbeen eating me up. Ineeded sound advice from aperson who’dknow to keep my secret, and Thomas was that person.

“It’sLaura.” Isaid it, Ijust fucking said it. The tightness in my chest loosened, enabling me to continue, “We’ve been together. Not together, together. We have ugh…fudge…an arrangement.”

“Excuse me?” Thomas raised his voice before clamping his mouth shut, remembering he’djust put the kids to sleep. He brought the phone closer so his face filled the whole frame and whispered, “What arrangement?”

Thomas never would’ve thought badly of Laura, and yet it felt wrong to expose it like that. “We’re friends and more.”

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