Page 73 of The Benefits of Love (As I Am 2)

“Since college?”

“Since…ever. Unless you count going to your relatives as avacation.” She placed both hands on the tub’sedges and began lifting herself up.

Ipulled her back down, the water splashing around us. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“Didn’tyou say you wanted me to eat?” She firmed her grip on the tub, pushing against my hold. As much as she tried, Iwas stronger than her.

“I’mhungry, Zach. Let’sorder lunch or dinner or both.” She sighed. “Let’sjust get out of here.” She wouldn’tlook at me, but I’dseen her resolve from her white, strained knuckles.

“We will and I’ll order the whole fucking menu.” Iplaced afinger under her chin while fastening ahand on her stomach. “But I’dalso like for you to talk to me.”

“About what?” She kept staring straight ahead. “Idon’tfeel like complaining about something that doesn’tmatter.”

At least one good thing came out of her not looking at me, she couldn’tsee how my lips twisted right along with my heart. “Being anti-vacations was on one of your parents’ shits-for-principles list?”

She snorted what sounded like adisgusted laugh, hugging her knees to her chest. “One of many, yeah.”

Ibent further, wrapping her arms and knees into one big bundle. We sat in the warm water with the bubbles floating and circling our bodies. My silence helped her relax, the stiffness in her melting away slowly.

“It wasn’teven about the money,” she mumbled, finally opening up. “It was like if we didn’tstudy or invest ourselves in extra-curriculum activities, we were wasting our time.”

“I’msorry.” Ihugged her tighter, nuzzling her neck.

“Don’tbe sorry for me. Not about the vacations, anyway. Ican’tcomplain when the money they saved helped earn me my education without worrying about debts.” She turned to look at me, her blue-green eyes profoundly sad. “It sucks that as much as Itried to impress them, they still think I’mnothing. Some days Idon’tfeel it, other days it hits me like awrecking ball. That after everything I’ve achieved, the sad truth is it’snot good enough. I’mnot good enough.”

“I’mgoing to treat you as if you had atemporary hearing loss when Italked to your parents, and repeat myself. You are good enough. Well above and beyond good enough.” Ispread light kisses from behind her shoulders, to the center and up her elegant neck.

“Thank you, Zach.” Her fingers came to mine and tapped them absentmindedly. “When Itold them that my academic career ended when Igraduated, they flipped, didn’ttalk to me for four months. Ihaven’ttold anyone, not even Erin.”

“The fuck?” Istilled, anger flooding my blood. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Nope, not kidding. I’dbeen assisting aphotographer for awhile so Ithought it was that, and that once Ihad afunctioning business to show for, they’dforget about it and be proud of me. That day never came, but maybe it will. Maybe they’ll come around.”

That explained alot. Before Ithought she loved her job for the sake of her job alone. Listening to her now, Iunderstood it went much deeper than the classic workaholic’sdrive to succeed. All it took was one wrong turn to give them permission to shit on her worse than they already did.

In other words, she perceived anything that might pose apotential threat to her career as negligible. Myself included. But what if Iwasn’tahurdle? Would it have been possible for me to be in aserious relationship with her and accept her just as she was? And if Icould’ve promised that to her, was it possible that she’dgive us achance? Ihad alot to think about.

“Laura, you prove yourself daily to anyone with aset of eyes. Functioning ones.”

She gave me asoft kiss that made the hair at the back of my neck stand upright. Iswallowed, shutting down the voices that told me this felt neither sexual nor friendly and said, “Besides, look at it this way.”

“What way?”

“If you hadn’tattended, you wouldn’thave met Erin and we wouldn’thave met.” Istayed highly attentive, gauging her reaction. She could have perceived it as ajoke or as an open invitation to something more, which was my intention.

“I’ll make sure to tell them that on my next visit.” She kissed me again, but it felt different. The air had shifted, the moment was gone. “And like Isaid, I’mdone bitching about it. Most days when Ithink of them it’sbecause I’mworried about Olivia.”

“Iwouldn’tworry about her. She’sgot too much of apersonality to be put down by them.”

“Maybe, but she’sstill my sister.” Iwatched her profile, the sad smile evident. “Ineed to make some room in my schedule for her.”

“I’msure you’ll come up with something. If you think of anything Ican do, you know where to find me.” Isqueezed her once, before saying, “The water’sgetting cold and you need to eat, come on.”

She stood up with me, each of us reaching for atowel.

“What about you?” she asked as she tied the towel around her chest.

Itied mine around my waist, looking at her through the mirror while drying my hair with one of the smaller towels. “What about me?”

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