Page 29 of The Benefits of Love (As I Am 2)

CHAPTER NINE

Zach

On any other day, watching the water moving across the Charles River soothed me, gave me asense of peace. Some people favored white noise; Igravitated toward this river. My river, as Iliked to think of it.

And as it beingmyriver, Ihad high expectations of it. Isat on the grass with bent knees, facing the waters on asunny Sunday morning, anticipating the same result to replicate itself. The turmoil of emotions that had manifested asmall hurricane inside me differed, oh how it differed, from my day-to-day trouble with clients and contracts and negotiations, so maybe by having such high hopes of the river was naïve of me.

The hours passed and my hopes did prove to be naïve, since nothing happened. Nothing freaking changed. Laura still haunted my waking hours like she did the past week, seven whole days where neither of us called or texted each other, both of us uncharacteristically stubborn and unforgiving.

And it stung. The sense of emptiness that accompanied days without randomly messaging her, nights without late-night sex followed by fun talks about our favorite food, drinks, sports, anything except work with her.

The only thing that filled me were the ghosts of these text strings and talks, like that she loved pizza while Iliked sushi, that she preferred coffee all day while Ipreferred whiskey, and even small things like how she opted for lifting her legs up while Iwent for lifting weights.

Each encounter built anticipation for the next, to hearing from her as well as fucking her. Iliked them both the same.

Then life did what it did best, kicked me in the balls and threw me off balance. How the fuck did we get from what we had to this motherfucking week?

While trying to busy myself with non-Laura activities, Istayed even longer hours at work, ran more miles each day, lifted heavier weights, and even visited Thomas. None of it worked and as the week progressed so did my fixation with Laura. Everything agitated me.

To my shame, it ended up with me yelling at the associates. Iregretted it the second Ifinished my ten-minute-long rant and apologized to them by giving everyone I’m-sorry-for-fucking-up bonuses.

By the end of the week, Iwas physically and mentally exhausted. Ithought arest at home would smooth out some of the hard edges, but nope. The house suffocated me, and after an excruciating Saturday, Ihad to get out of there to the one place Iknew, or at least thought Iknew, would be my salvation.

But life wasn’tdone with kicking me in the balls—they ventured further and took away my own slice of heaven. Igroaned in frustration, throwing my cheek on my knees and looking ahead at nothing and no one in particular.

Until Idid look at someone. Irecognized Laura’sflowing long, blonde locks first, then her pale-yellow T-shirt with flowers on it, and bell bottom jeans that I’dseen her wear over the years. She hadn’tseen me, walking then pausing to take pictures of the park.

Iburied my face in my hands, resisting the urge to go to her and put this whole thing behind us. We weren’tacouple and Ishouldn’thave cared about her opinion of me. Shouldn’thave been offended by it. But Iwas, and she might still be pissed off too.

For amoment Idebated on getting up and taking off.

For fuck’ssake, who was Ikidding? Another day without talking to her and I’dhave lost it.

“Fuck aduck,” Icursed under my breath, then called her and not by her nickname. Couldn’tyet. “Laura!”

She stopped, twisting her head left and right. Isaw the recognition in her eyes, then followed her path as she meandered cautiously to where Isat. Ihad hesitations of my own, unsure whether Ishould rise to greet her or not. Iwas being an asshole, so Istayed.

Laura made no move to sit either, standing directly above me, arms slack at her sides, casting along shadow behind her. After weeks of easy banter, this silence drove me nuts. Her somber stare drove me even madder. Like she wished to be anywhere but here, anywhere but talking to me.

Icursed again, inwardly now that she stood within an earshot, scrunching my lips to hold it back. This couldn’tbe what we’dbecome. Besides, seeing her troubled bothered me even more. No matter what she made of me at that wedding, Icouldn’tstop caring for her.

“Are you stalking me?” Ishielded my eyes, flashing my teeth and ridding myself of the mood Iwas in. One of us had to snap out of this zombie-like state.

“Me? Stalking you?” She pointed afinger to her chest in atheatrical movement, gaping with ahint of asmile in it. “We’re in apublic park, you know.”

Her mask of indifference slid off. Having her smile at me revived the feelings Ihad just ashort week ago, loosening the pressure in my chest.

“Apublic park Icalled dibs on. If you sit though, I’ll be open to negotiate acustody agreement and hours of visitation.”

Her laughter rang in my ears, the sound bearing calming effects more than any river-viewing had done for the past few hours. Her eyes sparkled, her set of pearly whites shone at me, and her soft blush bloomed from her neck up. It elevated my mood like nothing else.

What amoron I’dbeen for not trying to reach out to her sooner.

When her laugh abated, she lowered herself to the grass about three feet from me, turning her gaze to the river. Iimitated her, looking forward instead of where Ireally wanted to look: at her.

“What’sup?” she asked after minutes passed where neither of us spoke.

Iscratched the back of my head, leaned on the same scratching hand, and moved my eyes from the river to her. So beautiful, so peaceful, so…my friend. Right then and there nothing interested me but having her back in my life.

---