Page 98 of For You & No One Else (Say Everything 3)

“I mean, he wasn’t wrong that I go in expecting guys to let me down. Some genuinely do, but sometimes I think I’m setting up a self-fulfilling prophecy. Look at Will,” she said, flicking her hand as if he were standing right in front of them. “Good-looking guy, smart, funny, easy to get along with. There were literally no red flags. He’s going to be a great husband to someone one day. But send him on a date with me and I just…wasn’t feeling it.”

“You can’t account for chemistry,” Hollyn said. “Sometimes people that make sense on paper just don’t click with each other.”

“Sure, but I think it’s more than that. I think I like the idea of marriage and family. I love the thought of having something like my parents did, but some other part inside me must not be convinced. I find a reason to disqualify every guy I meet, and the one I did develop feelings for…disqualified that possibility from the start.”

“You know,” Andi said. “There’s no rule that you have to get married or have kids or any of that stuff. I mean, I know you know that intellectually, but do you, like,knowthat?”

Eliza frowned.

“I’m marrying Hill because it feels right for me, but I don’t know yet if I want kids. I kind of like the idea of it just being us and maybe some pets. And if we don’t have an official marriage ceremony and get a piece of paper to say we’re married, I wouldn’t feel any differently about him. All I know for sure is I want to be with him forever and he feels the same. That’s good enough for me,” Andi said. “Have you ever considered that you like being single? That you love the freedom of it?”

“I…” Eliza started but then pressed her lips together, not knowing what to say.

“You have a great career. You have super-fabulous friends who love you like family. Your own house. An adorable dog. You don’t need some guy to come in and complete you or whatever. You’ve already got your shit together, girl,” Andi went on. “So maybe you haven’t settled with anyone because you’re happy on your own. And maybe you just want some fun and intimacy with a guy who isn’t asking for anything from you but to be who you are already.”

Eliza stared at Andi, the words seeping in like beams of light into her foggy brain.

“And maybe that’s why you’re feeling things for Beckham,” Hollyn added. “Part of you senses he can give you that. He fits into the happy life you already have and adds to it. The world tells you that the biological clock is ticking, that you need a husband, kids, smiling family Facebook photos, whatever, but maybe what would really make you happy is a sexy best friend who’s down for sleepovers.”

Eliza let out a long breath. “But I’m the romantic one in the group. I’m a marriage counselor, for God’s sake. And all those movies I watch, all the books I read…a best friend with benefits doesn’t sound like a happy ending. Shouldn’t I want a happy ending?”

“Honey,” Andi said with a little laugh, “a happy ending is the one that makesyouhappy. The hard part is figuring out what that is. I know you look to your parents’ marriage as a touchstone, but didn’t your mom give up her career to follow your dad’s job?”

Eliza swallowed past the dryness in her throat. Her mom had given up a tenured professorship. “She did.”

“Maybe part of you is scared that you’ll have to give up major things, too,” Andi suggested.

The words landed solidly. That was probably why she’d reacted so strongly to Beckham not wanting her to write the book. Any hint that she’d not have control over her own career moves had pushed her buttons hard. Her mom had chosen to give up her career, but Eliza had always wondered if her mom had regretted it. All that hard work just to walk away from it…for love. “Oh God,” she said, shaking her head. “Who’s the therapist in the room again?”

Hollyn smirked and shrugged. “We all have our blind spots.”

Eliza’s head was spinning. She didn’t say anything for a solid minute, trying to process her thoughts.

“You know what you need?” Hollyn said, breaking Eliza from her whirlwind thoughts.

She looked up. “What?”

“Queso,” Hollyn declared. “Come on. Everything will better after that.”

“Amen, sister,” Andi said, getting up and putting out her hand to Eliza. “And maybe just a wee bit of tequila.”

Eliza took Andi’s hand and laughed. “I love you guys.”

“Don’t blame ya,” Andi said. “We’re frawesome.”

Eliza got to her feet and lifted a brow. “Frawesome?”

“Fucking awesome,” she said with a shrug. “I’m trying it out. Like froyo only with swear words.”

“Keep workshopping that one, writer lady,” Eliza teased.

Andi snorted and flipped her off.

But Eliza felt better already. Maybe her friends were right. Maybe this wasn’t a character flaw, being single and bad at dating at thirty-two. Maybe it was a feature and not a defect. Because the one thing she’d never, ever considered before had been the most obvious question of all…was she already happy?

That wasn’t a question single women in their thirties were taught to ask.

She was supposed to have a hole in her life. And after her parents had died, that feeling of something missing had grown wider and deeper. She’d felt near desperate to re-create what they’d had, the stability of a marriage, that assuredness that she wouldn’t be alone.

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