Page 87 of For You & No One Else (Say Everything 3)

“I’ve had my life plan written down since I was ten. I’ve known what I wanted to be, where I wanted to live, when I wanted to get married, what my husband should be like, how many kids I wanted to have, down to their gender and names. I’ve vision-boarded the ever-loving hell out of my life.” She shook her head, a look of chagrin on her face. “I’ve imagined being the recipient of romantic declarations and grand gestures.”

He frowned.

“But what you just said, about me being a friend, was the most romantic thing anyone has said to me in my life,” she stated flatly.

The words hit him in the gut. “Eli…”

“Sometimes I get so frustrated with my clients. What they’ve been doing isn’t working, yet they keep doing it, the path too well worn to step off of. But that’s what I’m doing, isn’t it?” She put her hand to her chest. “I like you. You like me. We miss each other when we’re apart. We’re having all this fun, are cool not sleeping with other people. I’ve been feeling happier than I have in a long time, but you don’t fit into my life plan. You’re not”—she made air quotes—“‘marriage material.’ You aren’t a neat and tidy pin on that vision board of mine. So I called you to end it today even though I’m actually…happy being with you. How much sense does that make?”

His chest felt tight. Part of him wished he could give her everything she wanted, but even the wordsmarriage materialsent anxiety welling up in him, that trapped feeling he’d felt in his previous marriage pinging through him, that weight of responsibility, of expectation, how easily he’d crumbled beneath it. How completely he’d failed.

When his whole life had blown up, when he’d ruined things for Jess so publicly, he’d thought marriage would fix it. He thought it was the answer, but he’d learned it only made things worse.

“I should know from what happened with my parents that no one is guaranteed a future,” she went on. “My mom and dad thought they had time. They’d worked all their life to get to retirement and only got a few months to enjoy it.” She snapped her fingers. “Boom.One drunk driver and they were gone. All of their future, gone.” She waved a hand in front of her. “We can make all these plans, but all we get is today. That’s the only thing we can count on. So I can spend my days trying to find a hypothetical someone for my future, or I can spend myright nowswith someone who makes me happytoday.” She looked up at him, a vulnerability there. “I’ve really liked myright nowssince I’ve met you. I don’t want this to be over either. I just got scared today.”

The words were what he wanted to hear. He’d felt shredded when he’d gotten off the phone with her earlier today. He didn’t want to end this thing either. But what she’d said also made him wary. He put his hands on her shoulders. “Eli, I don’t want you to give up what you want to accommodate me. I know I’m a little—or a lot—fucked up about relationships. What you want is normal. I’m the one with the issue. You don’t have to bend yourself to that.”

She stepped into his space and put her hands on his chest. “Maybe normal is overrated.”

He let his arms wrap around her, but his body remained tense.

“If you honestly want to be with meexclusively,” she said, “I don’t need a label beyond that. This whole analog experiment has been about dropping the performance. Labeling a relationship is its own kind of performance. It’s for the sake of other people so they can categorize your situation, so that we can check a relationship status on our Facebook. I don’t need to put on that show. We can just be…together without a label. Friends. Lovers. Both. Exist in the in-between space.”

Something tangled inside him unwound a little, his heart picking up speed.The in-between space.With Eliza. It sounded like everything he wanted wrapped up and handed to him as a gift. “You’re truly okay with that?”

She nodded, her gaze meeting his. “Right now, I am. If that changes in the future, I’ll let you know. All I want is a promise that you’re not sleeping with other people. I do need that.”

“You already had that,” he said softly. “That part’s easy.”

A slow smile lifted her lips. “I know. I’m super good in bed.”

He laughed and slid his arms down to her waist, a buoyant feeling filling him. “You’re not wrong.”

“So?” She looped her arms around his neck.

He touched his forehead to hers. “So I guess we’re watching Skywalker rise tonight?”

“The outlook is good.”

Yes. Yes, it is.For so many things. He leaned down to kiss her, their mouths at first meeting in a soft press, but soon her lips were parting and his hands were sliding beneath the hem of her T-shirt, the connection turning heated and hungry. She moaned in to his mouth and he broke away from the kiss. “Or maybe the movie can wait.”

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