Page 76 of For You & No One Else (Say Everything 3)

She bristled, the previous humor of the conversation falling to pieces on the floor. “Not asking for your opinion,Beck.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I just mean…you shouldn’t have to perform for the sake of protecting some guy’s ego.” He leaned back. “That really kind of screws you both. You don’t get what you need, and he walks away thinking that what he did worked, which means he’ll do it again. Sets you both up for failure and isn’t fair to either side.”

She released a breath, letting go of the righteous indignation that had been building. Great, yet another area where she’d been performing for someone else. Or maybe it hadn’t been for the guy’s sake at all. Maybe she just phoned it in sometimes because it was easier than digging deeper into why the sex wasn’t working for her. The realization rankled. “I guess so.”

“Believe me,” he said, tone grim. “I’ve been on the other side of that equation and it fucking sucks.”

Now it was her turn to be surprised. “Of someone faking it?”

“Yeah.” He swirled his straw in his shake, a little muscle in his jaw twitching. “With my first girlfriend. I was seventeen and had no idea what the hell I was doing. It’s not like someone had sat me down and given me any kind of sex talk beyondDon’t do it before you’re married or you’ll burn in hellandIts only purpose is to make babies. So when we started having sex, I thought,Great, this must be how it’s done. I’m sure as hell enjoying it. Turns out, she was hating every minute. Didn’t tell me until much, much later after we’d slept together many more times.”

Eliza gasped softly. “Oh wow. That’s…”

“Yeah.” He made a humorless sound. “She was only tolerating it to please me. Hadn’t wanted to lose her virginity at all, in fact, but hadn’t wanted to say no because she thought I’d break up with her.” He glanced up. “I wouldn’t have, for the record. I just thought she was on the same page with my screw-the-rules, let’s-piss-off-our-parents rebellion. Not the case.” His gaze looked faraway for a moment, his posture tense. “When I found out how she really felt, it made me feel like a monster, like a date rapist.”

Eliza frowned. His tone of voice was breaking her heart a little. This wasn’t some minor adolescent fumble. This was something that had left a mark on him. Those early sexual experiences could really impact a person if they went badly. She’d seen it time and again with her clients. “That sounds awful, Beck. But unless you’re leaving stuff out of the story, that’s not date rape or being a monster. Not to get therapisty but…”

He narrowed his eyes in warning.

“Butthe words we use to label things,” she pressed on, “especially about ourselves and our experiences are really important. Can make something feel like a truth when it’s really a funhouse-mirror reflection of it. So we have to be careful. What happened with your girlfriend sounds like an unfortunate situation due to bad communication between two kids who weren’t prepared to have an adult relationship, not you trying to take advantage of someone.”

He didn’t answer for a moment, and she worried she’d gone too far with her counselor-speak. It was something she was always on guard for with friends. But finally, he blew out a breath and ran a hand over the back of his head, a humorless smirk touching his lips. “Wow, how the hell did we end up talking about this? Midnight milkshakes with you are dangerous. Next we’ll be analyzing my dreams.”

She recognized a retreat when she saw it. She let him have it. “Well, for what it’s worth, I promise I’ll never fake with you.” She gave him a little smile, hoping to bring the conversation back to a lighter, safer place for them both. “Not that I’d have to, based on the other night. But if I have an off night, I promise I’ll tell you.”

He stretched his arm along the back of the booth again, taking up space, a wicked look in his eyes. “If you have an off night, Eli, then you won’t have to wait until I leave. I’ll just stick around and watch you take care of yourself. Fun times will be had by all.”

Her skin warmed, and she swallowed past the sudden parched state of her throat. She was glad they’d picked a booth out of earshot of anyone else. “Only if you afford the same invitation to me.”

His dimple appeared, his lips hitching at one corner. “To watch me get off? That’d do it for you?”

“It wouldn’tnotdo it for me,” she said, working hard not to picture that scene in vivid erotic detail, Beckham wrapping his hand around himself, showing her how he gets himself off when alone. She didn’t want to burn into ashes right there in the diner.

He smiled fully then, wolfish. “You’re a super-fun friend, Eli.”

She laughed. “Stop flirting. I have early appointments tomorrow and am already out way past my bedtime. I cannot be tempted tonight.”

That wasn’t entirely true. But really, she couldn’t quite bring herself to go on a date, kissthatguy, and then go home with his friend the same night. No matter how enticing that sounded right now. This time with Beckham was starting to feel a little too…everything. She needed to be careful. Not let the lines she’d drawn around this relationship get blurry.

He pointedly looked down at her plate and then back to her. “Don’t worry. I know better than to proposition anyone who just put awaythatmuch food.”

She let out a how-dare-you gasp and then threw a french fry at him.

He dodged it and laughed. “Kidding.” He pulled out his wallet and dropped a few bills on the table. “Come on, let’s get you back to your car.”

“You don’t have to pay,” she said, reaching for her purse. “We’re friends, remember? Friends split the check.”

“Next time. I was the one who hadn’t eaten and guilted you into dinner.”

“You did not guilt me.” She unzipped her purse. “But you pay every time. That adds up and—”

“Eli.” He stood and put out his hand to help her up. “Put away your money. It’s fine.”

She zipped up her bag, consternation making her lips press together, and took his hand.

When she was standing in front of him, he gave her a patient look. “Are you worried you’re going drain the poor twenty-five-year old’s bank account?”

“I—” She huffed a breath and looped her purse over her shoulder, not knowing how to finish the sentence. She actuallydidworry about that, but when he put it that way, it sounded condescending and insulting.

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