Fifteen
Beckham had planned for tonight to be the equivalent of sitting in a bar during those first months sober. He did not plan for it to be sitting in a bar with a bottle of high-end bourbon pressed into his hand with the bartender saying,It’s on the house. That was what this felt like. Eliza next to him under a blanket, his arm almost around her.
The clean scent of her hair was wafting into his nose and her barefaced casualness was bringing to mind what she’d look like in bed. This was all too much. His mind kept drifting to how easy it would be to lean over and kiss her again, to put his arm fully around her, to slide his hand beneath her—
“Will said he’s really looking forward to the date,” he blurted out, even though he was generally opposed to talking during movies.
She glanced over at him, eyebrows up. “He said that?”
On-screen, Princess Leia said,I have a bad feeling about this.
“Yeah. He, uh, mentioned it while we were getting Mardi Gras supplies,” Beckham said.
“Huh.” She turned to him slightly, tone careful. “He usually talks to you about his dates?”
Beckham grabbed the remote and lowered the sound on the movie. “I mean, he’ll mention them sometimes. Not like a play-by-play or anything. But I think he was just saying it to me since I introduced you two.”
“Oh.” Her lips pursed a little with the word, her lower lip pushing out. He wanted to bite it.
“He won’t, like, kiss and tell if that’s what you’re worried about,” Beckham added, feeling like he was rambling now, but he needed to distract himself from the dirtier thoughts trying to push past his good sense.The devil inside, his dad would’ve said. Beckham didn’t believe in the devil anymore, but that reckless part of himself could be loud sometimes.
“That’s good.” She nodded, almost to herself. “I mean, that’d be weird. Him telling you about our dates.”
“Definitely.” He gave her a smile that felt too tight. “Not something I want to hear. I already had to watch him kiss you. That was more than enough.”
A line appeared between her brows, and she squared her body fully toward him, her legs tucked beneath her. “What do you mean, more than enough?”
Fuck.Had he said that out loud? “Nothing, it’s just, you know, you don’t want to know that much about your friends’ sex lives, especially if you’re friends with both people.”
“Afraid you’ll accidentally picture us doing naked, dirty things and will be traumatized?” she teased.
He grimaced. “Well, I definitely don’t want to pictureWilldoing naked, dirty things.”
Her brows lifted right as he realized what his statement had implied. The glaring omission.
“Or me, right?” she asked, tone tentative.
He cleared his throat and tried to play it off. “Come on, Eli, you have to know that ship has already sailed. I pictured all kinds of things during that kiss. I’m human and male. But that’s not the point. There is no point. I don’t even know how we got into this conversation. Go out with Will. Do dirty things. I don’t care. Back to Star Wars?”
“Wait, do younotwant me to go out with Will?” she asked, a perplexed look on her face.
“Huh?” Panic alarms were going off in Beckham’s head, but he kept his expression nonchalant. “Why are you even asking? I basically set you two up.”
She gave him the look that she probably gave her clients when they were withholding information. “That wasn’t my question.”
He was stupid. So freaking stupid. He was better at lying than this. He’d created a whole new identity, a whole new life, goddammit. But somehow this woman turned him into a witness bumbling on the stand. He clenched his jaw, tried to center himself, but the truth came out anyway. “Idowant you to go out with Will. I think you two would hit it off.” He met her gaze. “But I also have some weird primal urge to mark you with my scent and tell other guys to go fuck off.”
Her eyes widened.
“Yeah. I know. I’m a dick.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “So right now I’m living somewhere in the space between those two things, trying to not be the aforementioned dick.”
“Beck…”
“I know. I’ll go.” He flicked the blanket off his legs so he could get up.
But Eliza put a hand on his arm. “Wait.”
He stayed where he was. “Eli…”