Page 103 of For You & No One Else (Say Everything 3)

He lowered his hand. “My whole childhood was on TV. Every mistake. Every embarrassing moment. And that sex tape I mentioned to you way back when?”

She nodded. Dominoes were falling into place in her head.Clack. Clack. Clack.

“That was a tape of me and Jess’s first time. Someone filmed us and leaked it, wanting to expose my family as frauds. Look at Matthew Laketon caught with his pants down, divesting his sweet, naive girlfriend of her virginity no less, and using all the dirty words he wasn’t allowed to use on TV. We’d broken the biggest rule in the church besides murder—sex before marriage. The internet went nuts for it. Everyone loves a public shaming of a hypocrite.”

Eliza winced. The thought of anyone’s first time being captured and put out for public consumption made her stomach hurt. The damage that could inflict on a psyche…especially a tender teenage one. “God, Beck.”

“It was bad for me, but it was worse for Jess. That video was proof of sin. Premarital sex was frowned upon for guys but life-ruining for a woman in the church. She got an instant label—a modern-day scarlet letter. Her future was gone. No guy would want to date her, and the women would consider her a bad influence so would avoid her.” His gaze was far off like he was looking at a movie of his old life.

“We had to get married to give her any chance at a respectable life there, but…I couldn’t handle it. I didn’t want to be married. I didn’t want to be in my dad’s church. Or on the show. I had already been planning to leave when I turned eighteen. I’d been secretly researching colleges and learning all I could about coding and hacking. But then when the marriage happened, I felt trapped. I was angry all the time. I started drinking to try to get through it. I thought about driving my car off a bridge.”

Eliza pressed her fingers to her lips, the pain in his voice carving little gashes on her heart.

“And I felt so alone. Jess, who’d always been my ride-or-die up until that point, thought the marriage was a great solution. She bought into the hype that her highest purpose would be as a mother and wife and all that jazz. She thought it’d be fun to be part of the show. I couldn’t get through to her. So one day, I snuck off and called my uncle. Uncle Darren is gay, and Dad had forbidden the whole family to have contact. But I found his number in my dad’s files. Uncle Darren hadn’t seen me since I was seven, but he told me that if I wanted to leave, he’d give me a place to stay. Just like that. No questions asked. He and his husband saved me. I tried to get Jess to leave with me, but she wasn’t interested. So I ran as far and fast as I could.”

Eliza shook her head, her heart breaking for the kid he’d been. “I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine. I was raised Catholic and sex before marriage was a no-no, but if you broke that rule, you could be forgiven. To put so much pressure on two young kids… Your dad’s church sounds—”

“It’s a cult,” he said bluntly. “TV liked to paint it as a novelty, as a harmless sideshow, but it’s not just some garden-variety conservative church. It’s a carefully controlled system where the men get to keep all the control and the women and kids have to fall in line. But when you’re raised in it, it’s hard to see a way out. Jess needs help.”

“Why is she here now?” she asked.

“Because I think I led her on without meaning to.” He lowered his head and sighed, his shoulder hunching. “She’s the only one I ever told about my new name and where I was. And I’ve sent her money since I left because I wanted her to have a way out if she wanted it. I thought when I opened my door and saw her there, that this was the moment, that she was finally going to leave, but…she’s seen this all differently.”

“Meaning?”

“She took all that as a sign that I was still taking care of her, doing my duty as a husband or whatever, and would come back one day. That I just needed time to work through my crisis of faith. But I guess it’s been one too many birthdays of waiting for her, and now she’s going to force the issue. Most of the women in the church have children very young, usually in that first year of marriage.”

Eliza sat on the edge of his bed, all the information a lot to process. “Oh, wow.”

“Yeah, and I was ready to set her right on that misguided notion and send her back to where she apparently wants to stay, but then she told me that if I didn’t come with her, she was going to take a bottle of pills and end things.” He looked over at Eliza, heartbreak in his eyes. “That without a family, she had no purpose or reason to be around.”

Eliza sucked in a breath, sympathy for Jess rolling through her. To grow up thinking your only worth was as someone else’s wife or mother. To think you were nothing without that…

“That’s when I called you,” he said. “That scared me. I’m out of my depth here. I don’t know if she’s being serious or not, but I don’t want to take any chances.” He raked a hand through his hair, his whole body tense. “I don’t want to be married to Jess, but I still care about her. She used to be this whip-smart, funny girl, and it’s killing me to see her like this. She could’ve been anything she wanted to be. And I ruined things for her.”

Eliza frowned and got up. She went to him and put her hand on his arm, getting him to look at her. “You didn’t ruin things, Beck. You were both children. The blame falls on the oppressive system you were raised in.” She pressed her lips together, anger welling. “I’m not anti-religion. Religion can be a great comfort and support system for people, but in the wrong hands, it can be twisted into something ugly. And it can brainwash even the smartest people. Jess isn’t going to be able to see your side easily at this point. She’s in too deep.”

His forehead crinkled with frustration. “So what do I do? I don’t know how to help her.”

Eliza straightened and looked in the direction of the living room. “Let me talk to her. I’ll assess whether her threat of self-harm is a true risk or if this is more a last-ditch effort to try to get your attention. If she truly has a plan and the means to harm herself, then, legally, I’ll have to intervene and report it. She’ll need a stay in the hospital for an evaluation.”

“And if not?” he asked.

“Then I have someone I can recommend. I have a colleague who specializes in exit counseling, which can help people who are in these situations to break free.” Eliza met his gaze, trying to couch his expectations. “But Jess would have to be open to that. She’d have to want the help. If she doesn’t want to leave, you can’t make her.”

A defeated look crossed his face. “She’s never going to agree to that. She didn’t drive all those hours from Arizona to get here and hop into therapy.”

“You never know,” Eliza said, trying to be hopeful. “Maybe her upcoming birthday triggered her to find you now, but maybe there’s also more to it. It was a risk to come here. Maybe some little part of her wants out. Sometimes people cry for help without realizing they’re doing it.”

“Right.” Beckham lowered his hand, lacing his fingers behind his neck as if the truth was just too heavy to hold.

“I promise I’ll do everything I can,” she said gently.

Beckham looked up, meeting her gaze, and then he stepped forward. Before she knew what was happening, he’d wrapped his arms around her. He hugged her close and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Thanks, Eli.”

“Of course,” she whispered, the hug feeling like too much and not enough all at once. “Let me see what I can do.”

When they returned to the living room, Jess was still on the couch, but was holding a digital photo frame. From Eliza’s angle behind Jess, she could see the pictures that were scrolling across the screen. Trent fighting with a plant. Trent sleeping on a chair. Beckham laughing with his friends at a restaurant. Eliza and Mabel on the couch at Eliza’s house. A Beckham selfie with Trent curled around his head.

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