There were spare few people in attendance, and she knew none of them.
She knew a momentary stab in her heart over the fact that her own mother was not here. And why would she ever be here? Her mother didn’t care about a single thing she did. She hadn’t even told her mother she was pregnant, much less that she was getting married.
She wondered if she would see it in the news.
Her throat went tight with emotion, and she began to move down the aisle. And she focused on him. Because he was all there was. And it terrified her.
But it grounded her also. Because she knew she was marrying the father of her children. Even if he didn’t.
You have to tell him.
Did she?
Yes. You’re being a coward.
She was. She was being a coward. She wanted so much to be wanted and... She was playing a game. Seeing what would make him happier. She didn’t want that icy, terrible look that he got on his face when she suggested the children might be his. And she felt filled with disquiet when he seemed to look at his own children as a mission of atonement, as he talked of telling them about their father. Their father was here. He lived. And he was a good man. A good man who deserved to know...
And of course his parents should know. They should know that they weren’t Alex’s children.
The ruse had never been to protect them. It had been to protect Morgan.
Because she didn’t want them to be his responsibility in that way. Because she didn’t want to be his grim responsibility in that way.
Because you want him to want you. That’s what you want.
And she nearly burst into tears then and there because it was true.
She wanted him to care for her. She wanted the mountain to bend. She wanted him to look at her with more than desire. With more than that kind of angry need in his dark eyes. It wasn’t Alex she had wanted to love her.
No. She would not let it be that. She would not let it be so intense.
And a tear did fall down her cheek then and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Because why was she really so sad? A girl desperately seeking love, and in such a silly place. From this man who didn’t want children, from this man who didn’t want her. At least not in any way that went beyond the sexual.
And at that point she had made it to the altar, and there was no more time to think about those things.
And so in her heart, when she spoke her vows, she did so with honesty.
Because she would forsake all others. Dammit, she would. Because she wanted him. Because actually, she wanted this.
It terrified her how much.
“With this ring,” she said, her throat getting tight. “I take you as my husband.”
And then it was time for them to kiss. And she didn’t hesitate. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. And she knew that she had made a miscalculation, because the ripple that went through the room was palpable. It was clear, from the way she kissed him, that she was not simply grieving his brother. That she was not simply doing this for the sake of the children. Not in the way people thought.
And he would be angry. So for now, she would simply kiss him, because it was better than facing any of that anger.
But pushing him was the only way to get him to lose that control of his. It was the only way to shake him.
And when they parted, his expression was thunderous.
But he took her hand, and led her down the aisle, and out of the church to the same car that had brought her there.
“I think that was a bit much,” he said.
“You kissed me back,” she said.
The car began to carry them away from the church. “Where are we going?”