“Even now you think so?”
“Yes, even now. Matteo,” she said, feeling defeated now. “Don’t I deserve a chance at a life?”
“I am offering you a life beyond any you could have had on your own. And no, not because I will be your husband. Because you will be Queen. Think of all that you can accomplish.”
“I have accomplished a lot,” she said, sounding weary. “I had thought that for a while I could just live.”
The weary words settled between them.
“Some people are not meant for that,” he said. “Some people are meant for greatness. It was always going to be us, Liv,” he said, her name hoarse in his throat. “It was always going to be this, don’t you agree?”
His chest felt painful with the truth of it. With the years laid out honest and clean behind him so he could see, truly, how inevitable it was.
“You were meant to be Queen, from the moment you were born. And it was a hard road getting here, but I believe you were born to it the same that I was. That from the very beginning, you were chosen, by fate, by the universe, to be the Queen, and it is why I saw you that day when I was driving along the streets. And it is why you came with me. Why you seemed fated to be in the palace, why everything you touched turned to gold. Perhaps it is why Violet and Javier think they are in love. Perhaps it is not they who are meant to be, so much as us. Because you are meant for great things. Greater than just living.”
A tear spilled down her cheek. “What a very lofty thing to claim for someone else’s life.”
“Is it so very lofty?” he asked. “Compared to everything you do all the time? You are... You are an exceptional creature, Livia, why would you ever seek to be ordinary?”
“I’ve never been ordinary,” she said. “I suppose maybe when you have never had the experience, it’s what you dream of.”
There was a need in her eyes that made him feel less than a king. Less than a man. He hated it. Hated that he had no idea what to do for her.
“I don’t know that I have ever dreamed.”
She looked up at him. “Never?”
He laughed. “How could I?”
“I don’t know.”
“Tell me, Livia,” he demanded. “Tell me your dreams.”
If it was a white horse, a white peacock, a closet of garments, he could make it so. He wanted to know that he could fulfill her dreams.
He wanted to know he could answer that need but he feared it would not be so simple.
“My nightmares are always being left at the carnival. My mother took me there when I was ten years old. A treat. The sort of thing we never did. For she had always taught me to be wary and distrustful of the outside world. We spent very little time in it. But I had seen a carnival one day, and I had told her I really wished to go. I was always asking for things. I think...in hindsight, I always wanted too much. And she felt defeated by such things, for we had nothing. Nothing. She struggled to feed me. Struggled to keep me happy. I did not go to school. What I learned, I learned on my own. Picking up books and asking those around me if they knew the sounds the letters made. And I wanted... I wanted more than the life that we had. I wanted too much. She used to tell me that. ‘You want too much, Livia. The world does not exist to serve you.’” Livia blinked hard. “And one day, she took me to the carnival. I hadn’t even asked. Not that day, and I was stunned. She bought me cotton candy, and it was the first time I had ever tried it. It was wonderful, and I was distracted, taken in by all the lights and colors and the sweetness of the treat. And then she was gone. I looked for her everywhere. I looked for her for days. I was thrown out of the carnival when they closed at night, and I stayed by the gates. Crying. Things were different then... There were no police particularly concerned with my plight. When your father ruled it was a military state, and the health and wellness of children crying on the street were hardly a real concern. But you know that. I waited. She didn’t return. And I finally realized... I realized when I went back to our camp, after days of walking, and they were gone, that she had meant to leave me behind. I don’t know what she told the rest of the people. If she told them anything at all. We are meant largely to govern ourselves, and so...”
Rage filled him. Fueled him.
She might not have told him her dreams, but he could work with her nightmares.
His lip curled. Of course. A monster could work much more easily with nightmares.
“Don’t you think your mother deserves nothing less than for you to become her Queen?” he asked, anger on behalf of Livia burning in his gut.
How do you have the right to be angry for her? You kidnapped her.
Yes, he had. But only because it was for her own good. And surely it wouldn’t take long for her to understand that. For her to see it.
“You can be the Queen your people deserve. And your mother will know. Don’t you think she will recognize you? And if you tell your story, of how you were a girl abandoned, who became Queen, she will hear. She will know that’s her daughter. The one she said wanted too much. Only to have it all. Only to have the whole world at her feet. The entire country. What do you think of that?”
“I think...” The words were choked in her throat. “I do not know that I can live my life for those kinds of motivations.”
“Don’t you think we could be happy in some regard? Don’t you think...”
“I don’t know.”