Page 46 of Last Girl Standing

“I know she talked to you about what she saw,” said Penske.

Bailey dragged her attention to him once more. She was thrown back in time to Carmen at the barbecue. “I saw something. . .” But she had never had a chance to say what that was. The thought had plagued Bailey for years.

There was a long pause between them. Bailey wanted to ask what the hell Carmen had seen, but she knew Penske wouldn’t tell her if she showed too much interest. She managed to hold the silence longer than he could, because finally Penske spoke as if a dam had broken. “It was just so obvious how Carmen felt about him. Tanner knew. We all knew. You knew. So when she saw him with her, his hand down her pants, you know, and them getting it on, it threw her. She shouldn’t have been looking for him. I mean, what? Did she really think he and Amanda were just good friends?”

Bailey slid a look toward Amanda, who was standing to one side with her husband. It appeared she was drinking straight vodka, but Bailey sensed it was probably water. Amanda had never been a huge drinker, even when they’d all binged in high school. She’d always been a loner, however, and now she was an island.

“Tanner felt bad that she saw, but . . .” He spread his hands.

“Carmen saw Tanner and Amanda together.” That was it? All those years thinking her words held deeper meaning, and that was it?

“Uh-huh. Always wondered if Carmen couldn’t take it and just decided to end things right then and there.”

“No.”

“I know that’s what you said at the time. I just thought maybe, with time going by and all of us moving on, sort of . . .” This time she saw him glance back at Tanner and then Delta.

“Carmen did not commit suicide.”

“But Counselor Billings tried to help her, and she pushed her away. Nearly drowned them both. Wouldn’t accept help.”

“She didn’t let Miss Billings help her because I’d fallen in and she wanted to help me. She just didn’t reach me in time.”

“You survived, and she didn’t.”

“I think she was messed up. Someone messed her up, with drugs maybe.”

He let that go by with a shrug. “Amanda wasn’t the only one he was with, y’know? If Carmen saw him with somebody else, too, somebody or somebodies maybe worse . . . ?”

“Somebodies?”

“Like, you know . . .”

“Spell it out for me, Penske.”

“A couple girls.”

“At the same time?”

“Nah. He wasn’t trying to get himself killed.” He barked out a laugh, throwing a glance toward Tanner, who was now standing beside his wife. Delta looked stiff and cold as a glacier. “But there were others willing to . . . well, we were all drunk, and it was the end of school. He wasn’t the only one getting laid. But I know Carmen saw him w

ith someone, maybe several people, and she wasn’t the most stable. Don’t get pissed. She was single-minded when it came to Tanner, and like you said, he was never going to be with her. I’m just saying. It’s possible she went into that water on purpose.”

“She did go in on purpose. Like the rest of you followers,” Bailey said coolly.

“You went in, too.”

“I just said I fell in. Jesus, Penske.”

He lifted his hands. “Okay . . . But we agree Carmen went in on purpose.”

“To prove she was an athlete. That she could do it.”

“I was around her, too, Bailey. She was sad. I mean, fucking slit-your-throat sad. That’s what happened to her. When Greg told me about your journal, I wanted to talk to you. Let you know. Carmen saw him with Amanda, among others. She just gave up.”

“What others?”

He held out his arms, encompassing the whole room. “Easier to find the ones he didn’t have hookups with. And a lot of ’em took place that night.”

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