When I was a little girl, I had my life mapped out, however unfortunately life loves to throw a curve ball going hundred miles an hour. So, here I am, a twenty-five-year-old, broken-hearted woman leaving everything I know and starting over by myself in Boston. Something which seems unthinkable, except here I am doing the implausible. It pains me because I will miss my parents, my brother, sister-in-law, niece, nephew and sister. I know if I do not do this now, then I will certainly not do it later. I mean, what twenty-five-year-old is starting over? Well, two thumbs up for this gal right here.
I guess I should back up and explain how it started and why I am making the three-hour track to Boston at seven in the morning all because of by my boyfriend well now ex of six years. A few months ago, after getting off a day three of a twelve-hour shift, all I wanted to do was shower and have a movie night with Jake on the couch. I knew he had the day off and I was hoping we could have a night together as it has been a while. Pulling up to our apartment, I noticed my best friend’s car, Brooke. Seeing her car when I get home is not out of the norm since the three of us are best friends. Walking in the door, tossing my bags on the entry bench while kicking off my shoes, I paused as I hear noise coming from upstairs. Odd, as they are never upstairs together. The tiny hairs are standing up on the back of my neck as to why they are upstairs. I walk upstairs and I hear the noises grow louder as I get closer to our bedroom door. I swing open the door to see Jake on his knees on our bed thrusting into Brooke from behind. A position I suggested countless times we try. The tears flood my eyes and soak my face at the image before me. They do not even notice me staring as I am watching them go at it our bed as I stand there frozen until they finish. Brooke screams and Jake jumps out of bed mumbling a sea of cruses coming out of his mouth. I finally come too, and I slap him as hard as I can across his fucking face. I guess my thickness was too much for him as compared to my ex-best friend, who is thinner than I am.
Not in the slightest did I have a suspicion the two of them were screwing behind my back. The only thing which makes any sense, considering now she only gave the impression of who she was seeing, was always busy when I asked to meet him. Well, now I know who she was seeing… my boyfriend. Assholes.
The fucking bastard turned it around on me saying if‘I loved him more and was more open to for other things in the bedroom, he would not have gone elsewhere.’Fuck you is what I say... they will get their karma for sure. During our relationship, I had thought it was normal I had never truly gotten to experience having an orgasm, which was a struggle in our relationship for some time. Jake was the first person who I have ever been with sexually. I had nothing to compare it to, and I assumed this was what sex was supposed to be like. He was not a fan of foreplay even when I suggested it, oh how he loved getting a blow job. Absolutely, certainly nothing done for me. He wanted to get straight to fucking to get himself off. Having tried myself, I truly believed I was merely one of those women who simply does not know how to get off or themselves off, just simply stopped bringing it up and did what he liked. I was in love, or so I believed.
I truly believed Jake was the one. He was charming, funny and was goal driven. When we met in college, he chased me when I kept turning him down. Overtime he wore me down and I finally said yes to him to go on the date over six years ago. After the date, we were inseparable and grew up together. However, over the years, the quality of being goal driven, which I found to be a turn on, slowly became what drove us apart. Work came first. Client dinner, client meetings, client events, etc. The list seemed to not have an ending, and it was always,—‘Evie, I need this meeting to take me to the next level. My goal is by twenty-five to be a senior partner. Don’t you want me to succeed? This is for our future!’
I would cave for him every time, and I would stand in his corner showing my support, sometimes I wanted him to put me first for once. Yeah, my job is demanding with its hours and can be mentally draining, however, it never mattered to him, apparently.
The last thing he said to me before I left was, “Evie, I need someone who is going to be there and not working twelve to sixteen-hour days. You are never here. I need you in more ways than one. You’re selfish. Sorry, I cannot do this anymore.”
Okay buddy, I was there for every cram session, each term paper, each midterm, final and taking your board exams. Yes, being a pediatric nurse is demanding as is, we are in a nurse shortage. My job has me working long hours, this is all I have ever wanted in a career, and Jake knew all of this when he met me. So, in a nutshell, therefore I am making the trek down to Boston.
Saying goodbye to my family yesterday was hard because the five of us were extremely close. My older brother and father were about ready to beat Jake’s ass when they found out. My brother was fucking pissed because of what Jake did. I mean, he and my father were not a fan, I however chalked it up to being ‘no one is good enough for our baby sister/baby girl’ of the family. I came close to letting them both loose on him, on the other hand, he is not even worth it.
The conversation I had with my mom made me rethink my mapped-out life. “Evie, sweetie, sometimes you must take the opportunity given to you and run with it. Everything happens for a reason and this, with Jake, was sad, but meant to happen. I know it may sound harsh, I honestly feel you and Jake breaking up and moving is a good thing.” My mother rubbed my back as she spoke.
I am trying to wipe my tears. “Yes. I know Mom, it still hurts and fucking sucks. I feel it would have been better if it was a stranger rather than it being Brook. Jesus, I knew there was something off, as I assumed I was being paranoid. God! I truly believed he was going to propose!”
My mom cupped my face with both hands and said, “Well, my sweet baby girl, he was one of the many who will eat their words by letting you go. You will find the person who sets your soul on fire and will put you first, no matter what. Completely let your heart be open because it will happen when you least expect it.”
“Sure, Mom.” I say the words to appease her as I am not so sure I agree.
* * *
The cute apartment which I found a month ago while I was living at home before moving is everything I could have dreamt. Not sure how lucky I got, thank God for the sweet elderly woman who was searching for someone to sublet her apartment in Beacon Hill. I have discovered, is incredibly difficult to come by, and I mean rare, an apartment over here. Spacious two bedrooms, two bathrooms, open concept with granite countertops, white cabinetry and the most beautiful hardwood floors. The sunlight which flows in through the windows in the morning is stunning. I have the perfect view of the brick buildings and the cobblestone streets with the most gorgeous greenery around the buildings. This is what I picture of when I think of Boston. Even at nighttime with the old fashion streetlights makes me feel like I have stepped back in time. I must pinch myself to realize this is not a dream, and I am doing something for myself. Tomorrow is when I start my new job at Tufts Children’s Hospital. Not sure how this dream of an apartment fell into my lap, I am taking this as a sign I am exactly where I need to be.
Working as a pediatric nurse is not weak as harsh as it sounds you must be strong to be in this job. No one should ever have to witness a sick child hooked up to machines to help them live or even help their pain. I will go the extra mile to help them and their families by bringing some light into their day. Yes, I will dress up as a princess. If I must dress up as a superhero, got it. If I must learn those TikTok dances, count me in. Tufts Children’s Hospital is in its own different spectrum of hospitals for children than back home in Maine. Our children’s hospital back home was impressive, although every now and again we would have to send patients down here to get treatment, which we could not offer. To be working here is a dream come true. Fuck you, Jake and I am doing it!
I feel by taking this leap and moving, I am giving Jake two big middle fingers and telling him‘FUCK YOU’I can do this. I do not need someone telling me what to do, what to wear, what to eat, etc. As he advances more in his career, he gave off the impression as if my job was not as important as his. He was not supportive, nor was he compassionate anytime I would ask him to help with anything regarding the hospital. Nope, he wanted no part because it did not benefit him. God damn self-centered asshole.