“Wife problems?” Eris said with a smirk. “Don’t be embarrassed, man. We know how these hoes can be.”

“Call my wife a hoe again.”

They both laughed. “See? There he is,” Nay teased. “Same old J.”

“Whatever. Look, take me to Fortune.”

“Oh, you tryna turn up?” Nay rubbed his hands together at the thought of going to the strip club. “You know I’m down.”

Eris laughed. “Okay, but can you really go on short notice? Where ya kids at, Daddy?”

Nay punched Eris in the arm. “Fuck you, man. Aight, I’ma call McGrady and get some extra security. Y’all niggas get dressed so y’all can look halfway decent standing next to the kid.”

We broke and went our separate ways to get ready to go, but when I got back to my room, I just sat on my bed and stared at my phone. I ain’t have no missed calls or texts from Malika, at least not from today. Part of me was relieved, because I ain’t have it in me to talk to her and play the husband. But the other part of me felt bad for leaving her over there not knowing what’s going on.

It wasn’t fair to her.

I’ve mistreated females in the past. Sometimes on purpose. But I was young, dumb, and full of cum. I liked to think I was more mature now, but here I was about to go drown my sorrows in liquor and butt naked hoes. That was my coping mechanism. I knew it wasn’t gonna help me in the long run, but I couldn’t sit here alone with my thoughts. It was too hard. And that shit hurt too much.

Her name was Rainbow, and she was built like a motherfucking stallion. She ain’t have no tattoos either, which I liked. And she smelled like cocoa butter.

But as fine as she was, and as fat as her ass was, I couldn’t stay focused on her dance. My dick was hard, but my brain was soft. All I could think about was Malika. Wondering what she was doing. How she was feeling. If she was upset.

Plus—and this is the thing about strip clubs—I couldn’t fuck Rainbow, even if I wanted to. Actually, that’s wrong. I had a pocket full of cash, so I could have fucked Rainbow if I wanted to. I just didn’t want to.

I wanted my wife’s pussy. I wanted her lips on mine. I wanted her arms and legs wrapped around me. I wanted to hear her moans. Her screams. I wanted to make her cum. I wantedher.

But I couldn’t have her.

I didn'tdeserveher.

Not after what I did.