Page 21 of Hope for the Best

"Have you ever kissed him?" he asked.

"Landon? No."

"Have you ever kissed AJ?"

"AJ kissed me."

"You didn't let him?"

"Yeah, I let him. We kissed. But it wasn't a big deal."

"And those are the only two dudes in your life?" he asked. "My cousin who visits sometimes and kissed you, and your brother's best friend who will do in a pinch because you're both lonely?"

"Oh, now you're just messing with me so we forget you stopped talking to people and getting haircuts."

"I talk to people every day, and I don't need a haircut because I… I like my hair like this."

Charlie ran his hand through his hair.

"It's lighter grown out," I said.

"Is it?"

"It's crazy. You look so much more like Casey."

"Yeah, hair changes a lot," Charlie said, still fiddling with his longer locks. It was a little short to pull into a ponytail, but it was long enough to be tucked behind his ears, which was what he did. I watched him do that with one side.

I was proud of myself. Even in Charlie's unkempt state, he was a fine specimen of a man. I could be tempted to take advantage of his fragile mindset and hope for a rebound relationship with him. But I truly didn't see him that way. Things had turned off for me with Charlie when I realized he was married. The whole thing was deadbolted shut when I figured out how much I liked Savannah. I had lost feelings for Charlie back then. He had been in hiding for months, so I could only imagine what he had been through. I could tell by the way he looked at me that the lack of feelings was mutual. We stared at each other with a casual look that was raw and honest—a look of friendship.

"That actually felt amazing, what you did on my back," he said. "Thank you. It's itching where you touched it."

"I'm telling you… you need to make an appointment and drive down to Little Rock. I'll make one for you if you want."

"Do you know somebody specific?"

"No, but I'll look at reviews and ask a few people."

"I'd be open to seeing a masseuse if you find somebody you recommend. If not, I'll just wait until I go back home. I think Caleb has somebody at his chiropractor's office that he uses."

"There he is. Look at you, talking about going back home, and joining the world."

"I don't know," he said, reluctantly. "I don't know what I'm thinking. I just said it to get you off my back."

"I'm not on your back. I'm trying to help your back." I laughed a little and then looked at him. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to pry. You should take as long as you need to do whatever you want. It's your life."

"I understand that I can't hide from the world forever. People will be coming out here during the summer and then again for Christmas. I guess I just had it in my head that I would wait for them this summer and then go back with my dad."

"Then you already had a plan."

"I don't know. I'm not putting myself on a time schedule. I'm making it work remotely with my development. My dad and brothers are helping me out."

"It's none of my business, anyway, Charlie. I just know what a rockstar you are, and I know you can get past this."

"I know," he said after a few seconds of silence. "I just keep going back to all the things again and again. I keep thinking about how she promised me there would never be an accident because of how carefully she always planned and prepared. I think about the fact that I bought the ticket."

"Charlie, you have already told me about buying the ticket several times, and I just started hanging out with you. You bought the ticket. You bought the ticket. You bought it. You bought the ticket. We buy people things—especially people we love. That's what we do. You loved her, and you bought her a nice gift that she really wanted. I was there when she was talking about it. It was her trip and her idea. So what if you bought it? You were married by then, so technically it was your collective money. You have to think of a way to get past it, or you'll be paralyzed from doing anything else with your life. Savannah wouldn’t have wanted that. She wouldn't have wanted you still here, six months later, talking about buying that ticket. You bought the ticket. It's a fact, but it's not one that really matters. Are you being arrested? No. You're not in trouble with the law. You didn't make her do anything against her will. It's a fact that you bought it, but it's one that you'll have to get past if you want to be able to live."

"Well, thank you, but I really don't care to right now, so that's something that's going to have to come slow."

"You don't care to live?" I asked, sounding shocked.

"I just don't have any sudden urge to go back to Miami and get back to life as I knew it right this second."

I grinned at him and touched his hand. "Good, because I need somebody to push me on the tire swing."

---