Page 124 of Inevitable Destruction

DOMINIK

Month Two

The days blur together, but not in the way they used to.

The withdrawal is gone, but the craving is still the first thing I think about when I wake up. I don’t think that will ever go away.

But the second thing I think about is Rhett.

I miss him. His mouth, his hands, his dick.

I jacked off in the shower this morning thinking about him inside me. I stuffed a finger in my ass as I worked my dick, but even that didn’t help. If anything, I just felt more hollow after I spilled across the tile.

Janice keeps referencing obsession when we talk about Rhett and what he did to me.

I agree, to a certain degree. But what we had was more than that. It was need. Bone-deep, incurable need.

It’s still too messy for me to think about in great detail. When I do, I feel myself starting to spiral, and that’s when Janice says I need to find a different focus—a positive one, something good to cling to.

Barf.

Being positive is fucking weak. What I’m doing is being real.

But reality never gave me anything good, so maybe they have a point.

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